TriZilla

You people still read this blog??? :)

2008-05-14T14:51:00.002-04:00

Wow, so a friend just asked me for an update. Well to my probably one reader, here it is.

1. I am leaving my job.
2. I have a new wonderful job.
3. I have a great new apartment (moving in June).
4. I am hopelessly single, mainly because I still haven't figured out what I want.
5. I am desperately looking forward to a time when I don't have to give my LIFE to a job.
6. I am healthy again. My body took a nose-dive. I'm working out again.
7. I still need new shoes.
8. I'm on a new plan to get my finances in order. For good.
9. I'm just waiting for June 7th!!!
10. I hope you're all doing well. Keep Tri-ing... I probably won't be able to get one in this year (see #6-8), but it's still in my heart!

Another one bites the dust

2008-02-05T19:06:00.001-05:00

and so it goes.... When will I learn!? Good golly, these people are just a mess. This last one was just TOO desperate. OMG. (Oh em gee).

I felt terrible, but holy cows, chickens and goats.

Anyway, life goes on. As you will see, I have been working out like a crazy woman (can't help it really). I'm trying trying trying so hard.

Did I mention that I need new shoes? No? I need new shoes. I'm hoping that Monday or Tuesday will be the day! I went for a splendid run on Sunday on the trail - Fabulous, but afterward, everything with initials hurt. :)

It's been a better week. I was able to put a lot of things into perspective and also clean house a bit (figuratively speaking, see first paragraph). I think I'm just going to be single forever.

It's all about me

2008-01-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

Well, that's not usually what I say, but right now, I think it has to be about me. When the world starts crumbling (or it seems to be!), I look inward. There are things that can be done. Maybe starting my day with a workout will help me be more cheerful about life in general.

I did it this morning. Literally POPPED out of bed at the thought of running with a friend (the other key). Ran 2 miles and even lifted some weights, and then made a plan with A. to meet at 6AM Mondays and Wednesdays to workout together. Amazing.

The questions you ask...

2008-01-28T22:43:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling the need to be philosophical. The need to rant endlessly. The need to find some sense in it all. I might not even push "publish post" at the end of it all. I just need to get it out.

It was one of those days. It started out normally enough. Everything was fine. And then... Suddenly it wasn't. It was one of those delayed reactions. It's no wonder I moved through this weekend like I was in a daze. It's no wonder.

Friday ended with a blow so great, I didn't see it coming. The worst kind of sucker punch. Here I am. Here I am, blood and guts out for everyone to see, and here comes the Mack truck. Someone tell her there is a mack truck coming...

Anyone ever hear that song by Ani Difranco? Untouchable face? Well it's not quite like that, but I FEEL like that. It's not a romance go wrong (at least not the type I have with ONE other person). No, this was a different kind of romance.

Every day. Every freakin' day. I come here. I put on my coat of armor. I put on that thick skin. I do it day in and day out. And you know? I thought I had a good thing going here. I thought I was doing a good job. I thought that pouring my blood, sweat and tears into something would mean that I was doing something right. That maybe FINALLY I had found THE thing I was meant to do. Maybe I was home.

I guess that was my mistake. I got too comfortable. Who knows.

I know they're kids. I know they have no idea what their words can do. I know it.

That knowledge doesn't take away the pain. I know I've always been a sensitive sort. I've really worked on that. Thought I had made some strides. And then tonight, it all came out (thankfully in the privacy of my home). Crying like I have never cried before. Ever.

I'm the adult. I have to keep reminding myself that. While that's fine and good, I also need a healthy distraction.

The good news is that I've found an amazing group of friends. Amazing. And (get this) I found a triathlon partner (or two)! So, it's time to get back at it. Time to work on that base. Time to make some real goals. I need that intensity back in my life. Yes, I have other things to be intense about, but I need to focus more on me. Maybe that will keep me from losing myself in my work.

Still Alive

2008-01-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

Heh, Christmas is over. New Year is here.

It's funny, I haven't been doing much running or biking, but everyone is telling me how GREAT I look. My mom had to tone down my Aunt, who was making it sound like I was the newest winner of the Biggest Loser. :)

Not sure what the secret is, except eating in moderation over the holidays. If I knew I had a big meal coming up in the evening, I really controlled what I ate during the day. Seems to have worked! Here's hoping I can keep trimming down :)

As I said, I'm not really doing anything triathlon related right now, but I AM coaching our fitness class at the school. There are 30 girls enrolled, and we have a blast. Each day half of them work out by them selves in the gym, while the rest of them come with me to do aerobics (step aerobics, tae bo, light weights). It's been a challenge to come up with new workout routines (and MUSIC), but they are keeping me on my toes!

I hope you are all doing well. I'm hoping to get to the tri club around here soon, so that I can start building a network of friends and get back to what I love.

The wagon is rolling

2007-10-18T16:16:00.000-04:00

Heh, check out the workout calendar on the right! I am back on the wagon... have been for weeks now! Quads are coming back, so that's nice.

I love my bike! and, I'm not even talking my beautiful road bike. I love the trail. LOVE it. I even got a little courageous this weekend and drove a little ways to a spot just north of here and then rode my bike all the way to PA and back! Wahoooo!

I also just joined a very cool yoga place. And just started running again (because that was the deal... running = yoga). The teacher pushed pretty hard, but I felt like I had a brand new body by the end of it.

I hope you are all doing well! I'm thinking long term that I might do a half marathon in March... Say the National 1/2 marathon....We'll see!

In Search Of...

2007-10-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

Friends! Yikes, it's lonely down here sometimes.

I had it all planned out. I was going to go to the Catholic singles Fall Food festival (sounds hokey, but I need to meet people!). I called the lady in charge. She didn't get back to me until the day of, but as it turns out the youngest person in the group is... oh... 50. Yeah, not so much.

I recovered by making a BUTT load of food. Beef Stew. Apple Crisp. Tuna Fish Salad for the week. Banana Muffins. I did a bunch of errands (dropped off the recyclables - why oh why can't we figure out how to recycle 3-7s??), and joined a yoga place. Looks super nice. I figure if I want to get back into running, it might be a stellar idea. AND, there will be people there! Then I went for a GREAT trail bike ride. ALmost made it to PA. It was gorgeous.

Came back, got warm, enjoyed the wonderful smells in my house. Made fresh biscuits (not from a container with a plump pilsbury dough boy!) and had a friend over for a wonderful dinner! I finished off the night by watching Alias.

Strange thing about biking all of the time... My quads are coming back. I still have this pervasive TIRED feeling that I would like to get rid of (doctor's appt in the near future). I came home on Friday afternoon and fell right to sleep. As usual, I woke up and didn't know where I was, when it was, whether it was night or day. Kind of freaky, but it's how I wake up every morning.

Funny thing is that it seems like the only thing that helps this feeling is to exercise. Weird. :)

Still looking to join a tri club/bike club/running club. I'm starving for friends that are external to this place. I love it here, don't get me wrong, but I need PEEPS!

I hope you are all doing well! I miss you all so much!

For all you moms out there

2007-10-03T19:05:00.001-04:00

And, I have to say that being a dorm parent is a lot like this.... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anSpBUxsgAU&feature=bz303

Still here!

2007-09-27T11:35:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am still alive. School is CRAZY! But I love it, I really do.

And, I think I have managed to somehow find the happy medium - what I can do vs. what I should do. I have decided that sticking to a rigid schedule right now just isn't going to work for this first year of teaching. It might actually mean giving up triathlon and racing in general for another year. There is just too much to focus on.

This is not to say that I'm sitting around! I have decided that in order to take care of my kids, I need to take care of myself as often as possible. With a rail trail just a mile away, there is no excuse not to exercise! Every chance I get, I grab my mountain bike and head on down for 40-60 minutes of varied paces. If I'm tired, I just go slow. If I feel okay (but was still contemplating a nap - something I haven't done YET!), I go "one-notch-above" what I think would be leisurely. (I'm pretty proud that I've figured out that pace... I can go for a very long time! And, if I'm feeling adventurous, I go pretty darn hard.

The weird thing about the bike is that I've always noticed that the first 5 minutes just suck... no matter what I feel like before starting. There is just no getting around it. I feel drained and my quads feel trashed. I tell myself just to give it a few minutes. And, inevitably 15 minutes later, I'm happily sailing along... Weird stuff! Note: I don't even ride everyday. Right now I'm averaging 3-4 times a week, consistently.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. Life is different now. Really different. I keep hearing that the first year of teaching is the worst... So, I'm just going to put my head down and get through it, and hope that next year I might have a LIFE! :)

9:41

2007-08-16T22:37:00.000-04:00

There comes a time when you really cannot deny anymore that you need help. Any help.

Even when it may come in the form of a crazy-fast dude tapering for his first ironman.

I haven't been running. For a while. It shows. I have a nice layer of fluff that I plan on evicting once I get back to school.

So when my buddy Joe asked me if I wanted to run with him, I thought (rightly) that it would probably be pretty ugly.

Heh.

You could call it a run if you wanted to, but honestly (and I told him this), I felt like a human being walked by a dog. He kindly gave me a beautiful tour of Brookline, and we passed by JFK's birthplace... I wondered how appropriate it would be for me to perish on the spot...

So, I saw him again tonight (somehow managed to drag my quads to a wonderful Korean Dinner). Turns out "we" ran 9:41 pace for 3.1 miles. Hah. *there were a couple of breaks, I do have to say....*

So, I'll quit my griping. It's within my power to change. I just needed his help.

Right now I'd just like to have a big ole country ham. :-)

Moving day is here

2007-08-08T23:13:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone!

So, I'm back from the cruise and I'm the big 3-0 today!!!! Wooo Hoooo! And, I'm moving tomorrow! Craziness, let me tell you....

But I'm super excited... I can't begin to explain it, but I just hope that this job is all that it promises to be. I know it's going to be a busy first year, but I'm no stranger to hard work. And, I'm soooo excited to be finally getting on a schedule so I can plan my workouts better. It's time to get that part of me back. Time to lose those 10 lbs. For good.

So, it'll be a while (but it looks like lately I've been on here once a month :)... But I hope that you are all doing well! LCAR folks, I will try to post more, I promise!

Over and OUT!

Fantastic DAY!

2007-07-20T14:22:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a super productive day for me so far!!!

I did my laundry, showed my apartment, folded laundry, went to the bank, ironed my work shirts, put laundry away (you may be laughing at this, but sometimes it just sits in the basket.), vacuumed my car out (MESS!), ate a nice lunch, worked on Ch.3 (didn't realize that was kind of a long chapter... I'm just one lesson away from finishing), AND (get this!) went for a run!!! And, researched banks AND got boxes to pack from the nearby liquor store.

I'm en fuego!!!! WOW! I feel great.

I hope you are all super productive today too! It must be this great 80 degree weather or something.... :)

Making some progress

2007-07-19T22:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I got off work for tonight, came home and decided to be productive with my "gift of time." I canceled my phone, my gas, and my electric for my current apartment. Also canceled my UHaul, since now I have a wonderful moving company coming. Also talked to my landlord. And my mom... handled a crisis and tried to tell her how LUCKY we are... Really we have nothing to be upset about!

Then, I settled down to do some real work. Finished a lesson plan, and then finished a homework packet for all of Chapter 1 (don't worry, folks, I'm almost finished chapter 3's lesson plans). Doesn't feel a lot better, but I think I realized that this, like training for a marathon, has to be done one little bit at a time.

Tomorrow my goal is to finish Chapter 3, and do the homework set for Chapter 2. AND to get a workout in.

Summer is almost over!

2007-07-18T20:59:00.001-04:00

Gah! So, it just dawned on me today. I really only have 3 weeks until I move. There is the end of this week, then next week is my LAST week at HZ , and then I leave for my cruise to Bermuda the very next day (I know... poor me!). Then I get back, have 4 days to pack... GAH!

Major meltdown going on now. Because I just realized just HOW much work I have to do. Ohmygosh. I think it's too much. Yesterday, I was so paralyzed by it, I did nothing. That's just how I roll. Clam up, Ostrich. Denial. You name it.

Deep Breath. So, of course now, I want to go workout. Too late! I had my chance. Blew it.

On a positive note, I have successfully finished rereading Harry Potter #6 so I'm all ready to read #7 when it arrives next week (hopefully before the cruise!!!). I'm just going to have to avoid civilization until I read the whole thing. Can't WAIT!

Back, sorta!

2007-07-17T11:52:00.001-04:00

Well, I'm giving this another shot. It might be short lived, but it's funny how many complaints I got when I shut it down. Thanks, guys.

I have started a new blog, just for my hs friends, and that is strictly off limits... but, I guess I need to go into update mode, see if this is still for me. I haven't needed to post, because working out (except for general fitness) and racing was put on the biggest backburner of all time. Mainly because I needed to find a job.

Lots and lots of news, first.

I found a job. It's a wonderful job, and I honestly cannot wait to start it! I am now officially a Chemistry teacher. What a great ring that has, and I can definitely say it's something I'm very proud of.

Racing... Meh. I'm trying to get something (ANYTHING) on that calendar, but a few things have to fall in place first before that happens. I think I've learned that if nothing is on the calendar, nothing will be done! Triathlon might be out for the year, but I'm thinking about a running race... Might be fun to get back to my roots, so to speak!

So, I hope you are all having a great summer, and racing your hearts out for me! I'll try to post every now and then!

Day 2

2007-04-19T17:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I made it through my second day. Phew.

I'm blessed with very good kids. Sometimes they get out of hand, but by and large, it's been fun. And, I never realized how great it would be to hear the words, "Miss TriZilla"!

This blog is going to be set aside for a while. There is no real training going on, and there will not be until... well until I'm not drowning in real life. I'm happy now, just very challenged, and I need every spare second to get caught up.

It might only be a few days, who knows!

I have this race thing on Sunday.... It's going to be fun. I've made up my mind. Just fun.

Maybe next week I'll be able to settle in a bit! Here's hoping! Hope you are all doing well.

Too Close.

2007-04-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

What a tragedy. What senseless destruction.

It touches our lives daily. It makes us struggle to find sense. Reason.

This time came a little too close. Too close.

I panicked. I prayed. I called (wanting to know, but afraid). No breath.

And that wonderful sigh of relief came when I heard he was ok.

My heart goes out to those that do not get that sigh. That will forever have to wonder why.

Update

2007-04-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

and it's a doosey!!!

Lotsa news:

- I'm living in PA now. In case you didn't know.

-I escaped grad school. It's been 6 lovely months now. I'm moving forward.

-I got a job!!!! I am now a teacher (or will be for the next 2 months) in Chemistry in a local High School. I'm soooo excited (and scared). My first day is Wednesday.

-I'm doing a triathlon this Sunday. Should be fun since i think the last time i was in a pool was February. Haven't biked in a while, and certainly not 16 miles. Eh! Oh well! Should be interesting, at the very least. Anyway, I'm there for my friend. It's her first!

Hmm, I guess that's it for now! I'll keep you posted on how my first day goes... Back to lesson plans!

Getting Back...

2007-04-03T12:27:00.000-04:00

How many times does this happen... Derailment followed by getting back on the wagon. But, I have to say that getting back into the swing of things feels so so good!

I figured out that my body does not like running two days in a row. I've finally run 3 times in a week with NO pain. You have no idea what a blessing that feels like right now. (Well, maybe you do.) :)

So, I've scrapped the 1/2 marathon, and I'm using the next 3 weeks to get in tri mode. Good thing, since there's a tri scheduled on 4/22. Don't worry, Karen, I'll be there. It might be ugly (small fields make me nervous...), but I'll get there.

Lessee, in other news, I got the stitches taken out of my finger. I'll post pics if you want... let me know. I was also just recently certified to substitute teach... and since I can't get fingerprinted for the FBI clearance yet, it looks like I'll be going to the city first. GAH! Should be interesting, to say the least, folks!

One

2007-03-28T13:49:00.000-04:00

One run.

Just me.

No watch, no ipod.

It felt good to go slow and enjoy the weather.
It felt great to feel my legs carry me.

I'm not going to even think about races or anything right now. Just being good to myself.

(So as a reward, I'm enjoying a strawberry, banana, oj smoothie! YUM!

What am I doing?

2007-03-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

Ugh. Not a good time, right now. And, I hate it. It's spring time, things are supposed to be getting better.

I'm job hunting. It feels hopeless.

I'm not working out. At. all. Haven't for 2 weeks. Don't feel like it.

I don't want to get out of bed.

It will get better, I know. It has too.

But in the meantime, I'm watching my race schedule get shorter and shorter. The 1/2 Mary is not going to happen. Wow. At this rate, I'm not going to be racing at all this summer.

i can't win

2007-03-19T16:47:00.000-04:00

short one here... mainly b/c typing is at a minimum...

i managed to slice well into my left index finger yesterday afternoon...

5 stitches and a few darvocet later... i'd like my break now, please!

Frustration Strikes Again

2007-03-16T23:03:00.000-04:00

Well, this week, I've been side-lined ONCE MORE by something that felt frighteningly like a heel spur. I'm guessing that this came on the heels (ha ha) of my last run... too much too fast. This is getting old, old, OLD. I can honestly say that I've never had this many problems with injuries...

And it's getting scary. I have a race in six short weeks. A big race. One that I can't just show up to and hope everything turns out okay. Beyond that, I have the biggest race thus far in August. And there is no base. None. Every time I get going again, I have some other annoying injury that needs rest and ice. I'm really not sure what to do.

Meaning... I'm starting to think that I can't do the 1/2 marathon. I need a rhythm. I need to get it going. I just seem to be going in so many other directions right now.

Deep Breath. Ok. Well, it is what it is. I'm actively searching for a job. That is showing some promise, but honestly it's like having a second job. It takes time. It takes workout time, some days.

Well, the good news is that after three days of rest, ice and ibuprofen, my foot feels great. I'm glad I didn't run yesterday, as that would have been pushing it. I need to figure out the cause of all of these problems.

1. Too much too soon. Pretty sure this is the cause of the PF and shin splints before, but I was trying so hard to be careful this time... Maybe I just can't do speed work until after the 1/2 Mary...

2. Not enough variety. Or not enough stretching. I know I function better with yoga. I didn't go this week.

3. Not enough focus. Or not the right focus. Perhaps PRs aren't the way to go this year... Maybe I should just enjoy the experience and get settled with job stuff.

4. Shoes? Nah...just got new ones, they seemed better.

5. Current job is very physically demanding already... It could be that the demanding nature of speed work (or sometimes any workout) might just be too much (ack! it sounds like I'm getting old!) I've finally gotten to the point where my legs and body don't ache morning, noon, and night just from working. That's progress. Perhaps I just need to take it more slowly for now.

So, where to go from here:
Foot is better. I will get to the gym tomorrow and run for 30 minutes. Do stretching and crunches. I will eat a good diet and drink water. Focus needs to be injury prevention and consistent base building. Speed work needs to wait, me thinks.

Okay, thanks for reading through that. I was in a bad spot. It's going to be fine, but coach, I could use a phone call :)

I hope every one had a wonderful St. Patty's day!

So Far, So Good

2007-03-07T11:26:00.000-05:00

So far, it's been a good week. I've gone running 2 times (little or NO foot or shin discomfort), and I started that new class, PiYo - I felt like I was in heaven when I left!

Eating and sleeping are going moderately well.

As far as the time goal goes... Err, well, I dunno. Maybe I should start thinking about that in a week or so after I'm back into the swing of things...

I hope all of your weeks are going well, and that you are braving the snow/cold well. Here in PA, the state has shut down again due to the whopping 3" of snow we received this am. :) It is beautiful, though.

I cannot WAIT to get on my bike again!

Interesting Night

2007-03-04T23:34:00.000-05:00

Whew, what a night. I honestly felt like I jumped down the rabbit hole tonight. It's amazing what too much alcohol and stupidity will do to a person. Thankfully, I was sober. Boy, ppl can be dumb. I had to actually yell at a good friend. I hate doing that. I'm already feeling old.

But it gave me pause enough to think about what I'm doing with this 1/2 marathon coming up. Thanks, Joe, for your words. It can still be done. I think that's what I needed. A little hope.

I realized that I need to be kinder to my body. I met my goals for last week. I got to bed almost every night by midnight and got up (spontaneously the past two days!) at 8:15-8:30. It's good to have that back under control.

Eating is ehhh. Better, though. I'm back into my mode of eating only what I take to work, so that's a great start.

I also realized that I need to have a fluid schedule, seeing as my work hours change day to day. So, I mapped out a strategy for this coming week. We'll see how it pans out.

So, I'm going to follow Crackhead's strategy and set up some managable goals for this coming week:

In bed by 12. Up at 8:15 - 8:30.
Follow a flexible schedule. Rest days when I work 12-15 hour shifts (duh).
Focus on good eating habits.
Get excited about my time goal (and figure out what that is).

I think that's good for now. I have a lot of other things going on right now, so I'll keep it simple.

Focus!

2007-03-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

Ok. Phew. I guess I just needed to vent or something.

It's nothing that a hot bath and a good night's rest didn't cure.

That, and I just got my gym's publication in the mail today. I asked a while ago about these pilates/yoga classes they have and was told that even with my super membership that I'd have to pay extra. I was *not* happy, knowing that my body is SO tight right now, and also knowing that the cure to that tightness was being held in front of my nose.

Until today.

I opened up the gym publication (nicely done, just a lot of typos) and read grudgingly about the class... until I get to the part that it's FREE for fitness/pool members! FREE! What a wonderful word!

I called just to make sure. :) There is hope after all.

So, that's my focus, along with getting to bed by midnight and getting up at 8:30. Let's see how it goes...

This is really not good.

2007-03-01T23:45:00.000-05:00

Not good at all.

My eating is out of control.

Every time I run I get twinges of PF and shins.

The new shoes I just got suck.

I feel terrible.

I can't seem to find balance in my life.

Let alone discipline to go to bed and get up and to effing PUT THE FORK DOWN!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be able to run a half marathon in 8 weeks.

Oh yeah. And then there's timberman.

Forgive me for being negative but right now things SUCK.

suckity suck suck.

Getting back on the wagon

2007-02-24T14:24:00.000-05:00

Here I am again...
More discipline.

That's all I need. And more sleep. Less screwing around. Less being fearful of what I really can do.

So, I went for my second run this week. 45 minutes. Was beautiful, but not a lot of fun besides that as it seems that my HRM is broken (whatever, man), and I'm a snad out of shape due to the shin splint hiatus. But if it gets me to my goal, so be it. Going to try a 60 min run on Monday. Fingers crossed folks!

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

I've had it!

2007-02-21T12:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, before you all yell at me...

I couldn't take it anymore. I was turning into that bearded-goat-woman-from-hell. I needed to run.

AND, I actually LOOKED at my shin the other night... Turns out the sucker was bruised, probably from me slamming around at work. Bruised right on the bone.

You can see from my workout log, that I was a good patient. I haven't really run for over a week. I've been resting, and icing, and praying. I think I'm good

So, I did it! And it felt great!!! Now I'm stretching my butt off, and hoping that I have dodged a bullet. :)

Also, Rocket Pants and Random Moments... I'm giving serious thought to doing Ashland on 6/17... Whaddya say?

2007-02-16T10:16:00.000-05:00

Life is going well, I suppose. It's busy though, and this current job does not give me a whole lot of free time to get stuff done.

PA got slammed with a nasty storm this week. As I was "shoveling" through 3" of sleet and freezing rain (while it was snowing), I was cursing that darn pink line that PA always seems to get stuck in. It *was* a super workout for my back though...

In other news, I have a very slight shin splint. I've had them before, but never had any sensation so close to the bone. So I'm resting it as much as possible (when I'm not shoveling). The last thing I need now is a stress fracture.

Has anyone ever had these? How much pain is it really? I honestly am not sure if I'm being a baby or not.

Race Plan?

2007-02-01T22:32:00.000-05:00

Well, it's finally coming to fruition... The ever looming race plan. For once, I let it go until the end of January... Kind of freakish actually.

Workouts are going well. Still struggling a bit with PF, but icing and stretching seem to be keeping it at bay. Doesn't help that my uber nice gel inserts I use for work POPPED the other night. Gah. Suckers are supposed to be guaranteed for life or some such nonsense.

So, to be fair, I only know of three races so far. The others depend on timing (i.e. How fast can I run to make it in time to be in a friend's wedding... Probably not that fast, eh?)

4/22 - Tri for Kid's Sake (Sprint)
4/29 - Runners' World Half Marathon (was my first, for you long time readers...)
.
.
.
8/19 - Timberman Half Ironman

There will likely be some olys thrown in there... maybe a few other running races. For now, I'm trying to tame my bread eating (it's the only thing at work that satiates the hunger), and focusing on toning this new body. Thankfully the weight loss has stabilized!

Hope you are all doing well, and that your builds are going smashingly!

My new dessert

2007-01-17T23:46:00.000-05:00

It's ALmost better than chocolate. I could eat a million of them, but want to stop after one.

They are fun to peel.

So juicy.

Not an orange, but it's kissing cousin.

The GRAPEFRUIT!!! So super yummy! I think I'm hooked for life.

Anyway, just had to share! (and, no i'm not on the grapefruit diet, I just think they are super duper yummy! And fun to eat in sections WITHOUT sugar!)

:)

Let me paint a picture...

2007-01-16T23:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the best runs are spontaneous, beautiful works of art.

I started out this morning. The sky was grey, and I knew it was going to be windy. I was tired, and was soooo tempted to hit the snooze button one more time, knowing that if I did I would miss the bus.

But I didn't. And I'm oh so glad.

I decided to strike out on a new path. I wound my way toward town, along the strip mall, and then made a quick left. Suddenly it was as if I had left that old crazy world behind. The car dealership was replaced by silos. The pizza shop was now a farm. I was in heaven. It was warm (but not too warm). The breeze blew through my hair.

I crossed the railroad tracks with Alison Krauss playing in my ear. And then I saw them. Big beautiful green fields, covered with sea gulls. Still. Eating breakfast. As I came up to them, they started to fly low to the ground next to me... first one, then two, then 10, then 20... hovering just inches above the ground. I felt as though I had taken flight.

I hope you all get a chance to "take flight" this week. I can't wait to revisit this run. I know it won't be the same again, but just the memory of today's magic will make it special every time I return.

Since Christmas...

2007-01-10T20:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, get over the shock. I'm back. For today. I've found that that's all I can promise for now. Some things have been hard lately, but unfortunately there is no rest for the wicked. I said I had to figure my life out, and that is what I've been trying to do. So, bear with me... :)

Some good news, though...

-The drastic weight loss has slowed (never thought I'd say that was a good thing, but nearly 20 pounds later...). I'm still losing, but I'd like to think that I'm eating better (i.e. eating at all) and replacing a bit of the muscle I'm sure I lost.

-I'm in a great routine of getting to the gym. I love it there. There are sometimes 3 or 4 spin classes A DAY. And a tri club. And a masters team. And, and, and...

-I'm thinking again about the job search (since I actually have the time to do it).

-But first I'm reading a great book: Now discover your strengths by Marcus Buckingham. I don't have time to do the tag (sorry Rocketpants), but if you have a chance to read this book, DO IT. We, in our society, find so much more time to focus on strengthening our weaknesses... Why not focus on making our strengths STRONGER? Loving it so far.

-I'm ALL ABOARD for Timberman. Eating (better). Working out (loving it). It feels good to be back, ya'll.

Christmas is here!

2006-12-24T12:51:00.000-05:00

Phew, I made it.

Actually, I think I might have been getting used to all of that! Crazy.

A wonderful Christmas to you all, and thanks for following me along the way. I'm glad it's over, but I'm stronger for having gone through it.

And the greatest thing is that well, all of the clothes I have no time to wear no longer fit.

:)

T minus something

2006-12-23T00:31:00.000-05:00

Simple math is beyond me.

24 more hours until Christmas is here (yeah yeah, but you get my meaning)

ppl at work are getting a bit punchy though... It's getting pretty hysterical, actually.

In the morning we've been arriving to polish the very expensive wine glasses from the night before. During this time we talk and laugh, sometimes for the last time that day. This morning was no different.

The biggest joke right now? Something crappy happens, and we all say with our most cheerful voices: "Best Christmas ever, Best Christmas ever!" Sounds stupid, but it makes us LAUGH.

Today was crappy money again. Still more than I would have made otherwise. I succumbed to the chinese takeout monster, realizing I wasn't going to make it if I didn't have at least one square today. Chicken (meow) and broccoli hopefully weren't too bad.

One more. Cheers to GhostMonster, err, I mean GhostWriter. You're doin' a bang up job here.

T minus approx. 29 hours

2006-12-22T19:20:00.002-05:00

So the report from the endurance course this morning around 9:30 was even more grim than yesterday. Luckily there was no running to the start line again, but after sleeping through two alarms and miserably dragging herself out of bed, the TriZilla monster was sounding an awful lot like Olga the german nurse... I'm telling you, if she can survive these next 29 hours, Ironman will be a WALK IN THE PARK.

So into T1 (the parking lot of the restaurant, remember?) things were moving pretty slowly but the sense of humor appeared to be in tact and the homing device installed in her brain was tracking accurately toward the super duper coffee/espresso mixture reserved only for emergencies. The game plan for the second leg (lunch, will ya keep up!?) was to keep moving thru the severe pain in her feet until she achieved a state of blissful numbness. I'm told this is possible...it remains to be seen. We'll need a report on how the game plan panned out for sure.

The other obstacle today was that, despite the great suggestions from yesterday, it turns out that unless you have time to go GET those foods from the store, they don't magically appear in transition when you're ravenously ready to eat. Tri Z reported leaving for the rat race with less than adequate nutrition this morning. And chances are that the gravy train lunch food offered to the double shift divas will be some food about which Morgan Spurlock might decide to make his next documentary. What's a Tri Girl to do?? Answer: lose another pound. Let's hope two whole days off (Sun and Mon) will go a long way toward rest and nourishment. Might not be enough for a full recovery but we'll have to see...

The last challenge right now is that focus and mental toughness are essential...TriZ's gotta work to stay in the moment and not reveal herself to the beast that is this 72 hour endurance event. She reported being full of doubts about her swimming, biking and running...and feeling as though her current training regimen isn't helping her move toward Timberman HIM preparedness. So what say we all chime in and assure her, as best you know how, that once the holidays are over she'll be ready to hit the gym with her svelt athletic physique and start to re-build the machine that will conquer the 70.3 distance come August.

What say you? Offer up some comment love and assure this tri beast that it's all going to be ok...that she's not too late, there's still plenty of time to get her tri geek on and as long as she can endure the mental and physical challenges remaining in 2006, that 2007 will be the best year ever for this Tri Diva!!!

Show me the love, people!!! The Tri monster needs you!!!

Ghostwriter, OUT!

T-48

2006-12-22T00:37:00.000-05:00

Whew.

Home. Tired. But I've felt worse.

Made crappy money, but it's more money than I would have made if I had been at home, eh?

Had a great time with some customers - Some ppl are just so nice.

And then there's the one. The ONE female.

Ok, I messed up her dessert. It turns out that we have two (count them) TWO cheesecake specials. I brought out the wrong one. Then I got it right. Went back a min later to see if she liked it. She points at it and says, "CHEESECAKE!" And gives me this LOOK.

I look her square in the face, smiling (sorta). "Ma'am, I promise you, I don't make the same mistake twice. That is what you ordered."

I swear. People.

And then you have the lovely couple at lunch that you just want to hug because they remind you of your grandparents. So sweet.

I'm going to bed. Thanks for the suggestions on food, guys, keep 'em coming! Today was a little better since we got Isaac's (a local deli) for "lunch."

Only 2 more doubles until Christmas! Wahhhhhoooooooo!!!!!

T-60

2006-12-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

Well, the report from the endurance front was grim (still 60 hours to go) but positive this morning. Seems there was some trouble transitioning from T1 (bed) into the car leg of the rat race so the arrival at T2 (the parking lot of the restaurant) was a bit rushed with hair flying every which way and phone cord dangling from her neck as she succesfully multitasked with a phone call from the car to one of those loved ones referred to in the previous post. And you thought it was hard to get out of your wetsuit while running to T1!!

We won't hear a report on how the second leg (lunch shift) of the day went until around midnight tonight when the third leg (dinner shift) is finally finished so you'll have to wait on the edge of your seat until then. The bigger issue is the nutrition/calorie intake in between legs two and three (actually this is seeming more like a stage race...) You see, the 12 lbs. of weight loss stems from the fact that T3, which is supposed to be lunch, is staffed by a bunch of pizza eating, junk food guzzling, non-sporty types who insist on making fast food FAST. There's just no time as our endurance athlete runs by the table to get enough healthy calories in.

Here's where TriZilla needs your help. We need suggestions of High Calorie, HEALTHY foods that can be downed in the blink of an eye to sustain activities like running up and down stairs with large trays of food for 14 hours at a time (no joke - 10am to 12 am). One suggestion is loaded baked potatoes but while eating them fast seems doable, making them fast is another issue. And they don't taste all that good when re-heated or eaten cold... There's also a vote for "Ultra Fuel" bottled energy drink. Packed with 400 calories/bottle, this sounds like a winner. We need to hit at LEAST 2000 calories/day...the 1200 average of late is just not cutting it. All suggestions greatly appreciated.

Until later, Ghostwriter OUT!

T-72

2006-12-20T22:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, folks, here we go.

Some of you asked what I am doing now. Well, it seems that now is a terrible time to find a teaching job, so I've returned to a restuarant that I used to work for. It's fine dining, so lots of time dealing with semi-normal ppl, making lots of money, recovering from grad school trauma.

So far all of those things are happening. As it turns out it is also an endurance sport. I've been working doubles out the ass, so basically there is no time to:
pay bills
do laundry
make laundry
work out (except at work)
call loved ones
christmas shop

Today was my only day off this week until Saturday evening. Monday and Tuesday were doubles (meaning working from 10am to 1am, no break, no time to eat, barely time to pee). I am getting to be very good at multitasking (ever the triathlete). Today, I tried to change my phone number, tried to get my license, finished my x-mas shopping, did my laundry, made christmas cookies, got the mail (!), oh, went to the bank to deposit the most cash I've ever held, and um, folded said laundry. And ate two meals more than I usually do.

The good news? I've lost 12 pounds since Thanksgiving. Okay, okay. That's not really that good, but I can't remember the last time I saw that number. I now make more in a day than I weigh!

So, this is the challenge. 2 doubles under my belt so far. 3 more to go through Saturday. Let's see if I can do it (and stay sane). :) Let's see how much more weight I lose before New Years!

And hopefully, hope hope hopefully, I will find my gym after 1/2, after the freakin holidays are over!

To make it more fun through the next couple days, I'm going to have a guest/ghost blogger for the next few days. She's going to be updating you on my "condition." Join me for the ride! I, more than anyone, cannot freakin' wait until Christmas is here!

Hope you all are well! See you in a few...

Alive

2006-12-13T00:02:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's true. I'm still alive. I think. :)

I have moved to the lovely state of PA. My apartment is more or less functional (although I have not really been here that much to enjoy it). I have a new job. Training is over. I'm working my butt off (literally), and have lost nearly 5 pounds since starting just two weeks ago.

Since the nature of my work is so physical, I simply haven't had the time or the energy to go to the gym to start a membership. So, it's gonna have to wait until after the holidays. I will get there. And until I do, well... This is base training.

I hope you are all doing wonderfully! I will try to be back (writing after work helps calms my nerves, I'm finding...) more often now. :)

I'm in!

2006-11-08T15:49:00.000-05:00

So, I know I said my goal was to race my first 70.3in '07, but um, life kinda threw a fit there for a bit. But I'm getting my stuff back together (at least mentally, heh, although there may still be some debate about that).

I signed up for Timberman last night. And then thought, "Oh. My. God. What have I done?"

So, as soon as I become less addicted to yellow cake with chocolate frosting (thanks RocketPants!), I'll be on a roll. I'm getting back to the gym, running a bit. It promises to be a nice day tomorrow, so I'm hoping to actually get on my bike, which I haven't ridden since the last Timberman!

Ok, my kitty is snoring, so I think I might take a little nap with him.

Happy Hump Day!

How does this thing work again?

2006-11-02T19:29:00.000-05:00

Oy, this poor blog. I need a leaf blower to dust the sucker off.

Many changes happening.

I am leaving grad school.
I am packing my office, my lab, my apartment.
I am throwing out, reorganizing, re-evaluating.
I am moving back home to PA, closer to family and friends.
I am also temporarily leaving some very dear friends, trusting that we will continue on, as I know we can.
I have a new job.
I have a new apartment.

I have cried.
I have rediscovered my laugh.
I have breathed deeply once more.
I have seen the human spirit work just like it's supposed to.
I have endured the negatives.
I have survived the stress and strain.

And, I have learned that life is not about destinations. I can bear this. It is not greater than me.

Life is a challenge. We simply owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to bear these challenges with as much courage and strength that we can muster. And, if we can't do it, we need to lean on our friends and our family. And we need to trust in whatever higher power or being that you ascribe to that we will be cared for in ways beyond our wildest imaginations.

It's happening now to me. And, I am going to try my level best to see it for what it is, to experience it and be in the moment. I'm smiling more, taking my time more, reposessing my patience.

I challenge you all to try it. One day, even one hour when you are most stressed, consciously slooooooow down. Take that deep breath. Have a cup of tea. Treat yourself to a healthy snack. Put your feet up. Enjoy a book for 10 minutes over lunch. Live.

Pursuing My Dream

2006-10-19T09:45:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all of you for your supportive comments.

Quite a lot has happened in a very short time. Just another sign that I am making the RIGHT decision FOR ME.

I can honestly say that I feel happy (maybe for the first time in years - It's a foreign feeling.). I feel hopeful. I feel as if I am finally pursuing my dream. It might not be what I do for the rest of my life, but it's a place I feel I could make a difference. Now.

I've spent a lot of time, money and so, so much energy trying so damn hard to get my Ph.D. Along the way, I earned my Master's Degree, so that's a pretty good development. But since then, I've spent 5 long years in the lab, failing. Over and over and over again. It's not in my nature to give up, otherwise I would have done so years ago. I stuck with it. I picked myself back up (And each time, that got harder and harder). I tried again.

It's been a long road. A road that has NO END in sight. Even with the new project, it dawned on me that in fact there was no guarantee that I would be out of here by August 31st (My advisor agreed with me on this.). I know that there are no guarentees in life, but I've gotten to the point of being so thoroughly UNHAPPY. Life is too, too short, folks. This is not my dream.

I realized a year or so ago that what I really wanted to do was teach. Unfortunately almost all university jobs now require that you do some amount of research. After my experience here, I can honestly say that my greatest fear would be watching my students fail, watching their disappointment. It's more than I could bear.

I realized what I really wanted to do was interact with students more closely, that I truely wanted to teach them, to motivate them to succeed where they once thought success was unatainable. I get this excited feeling inside when I'm teaching someone that has no idea about what I'm telling them. It's a challenge. And, I'm up for it. Beyond that, I feel that it's something I'm good at. I feel most fulfilled when I'm doing it.

With that realization, came the CLARITY that I did NOT NEED this degree for what I wanted to do. And then came the next question: So why am I still here, when I'm so miserable?

I don't think that there is any nobility in finishing something simply because I started, especially when it is causing me extreme pain and sacrifice. When it has cost me so much mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's not worth that cost, especially when there are so many unknowns.

I know that life will present me with challenges no matter what I do. But I also know that I fought the good fight here. It's amazing to me that I lasted this long. And, it was a valuable experience. I have learned so much that I hope to be able to pass on to others.

So, here comes another beginning. Can you hear the happiness in my words? Can you sense the joy and the freedom? Can you tell that I feel SO much lighter? I hope so.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as a seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

-Dawna Markova

Belaboring the Issue

2006-10-16T14:31:00.000-04:00

"When I grow up, I want to be a _____________."

Here I am again. Full circle once more. I've been here so much, I'm staring to get dizzy.

I guess the main problem is that I want to matter. I want to do something with my life that is going to have an impact. I want to help kids figure out what they want to do. I want to help them see that there is always a way to go after their dreams. I want to show them that the world is theirs for the taking. I want to help them see that they can make their own destiny. I want to mentor. I want to teach.

I DO NOT WANT TO DO RESEARCH. I do not want to have to fight for tenure.

The fight is gone.

And the question remains: Well, then why am I still here, trying to get a Ph.D., especially if I don't need it to do what I want to do? Why torture myself? Why not start living my dream now?

I'm just wondering if any of you have felt this way. Imprisioned. And utterly fearful of the future. Of making a change. Of what that change will mean to you, to those around you.

I don't want to live my life this way, I know that.

Sorry it's not more upbeat for a Monday, but that's where I am. Back to square 1.

Getting my swim ON!

2006-10-13T11:19:00.000-04:00

Fantastic swim today. I decided I wanted to do at least 1500. And, I did.

But, I wanted to really focus on form. And, I did.

I didn't time anything, but judging from the number of times I jammed my fingers into the quickly approaching wall, I think I'm on to something. I'm almost excited to try it again on Monday (if I'm not too tired from the weekend ;)

Speaking of the weekend, if you have time to go wish Rocket Pants good luck on her 1/2 marathon tomorrow, please do! She has a goal, and I KNOW she can do it! She ain't called "Rocket Pants" for nothin'!

The weather is going to be fabulous in this neck of the woods. So, I plan to get out there, play in the leaves and be a kid again. :) Have great weekends, everyone!

YEOUCH!!!

2006-10-11T10:10:00.000-04:00

Ouchie! Ok, that's not exactly what I said when I burned my wrist on the iron for the SECOND time this week. And now I look like I'm trying to off myself. Not good Mav. Not good.

(I'm not trying to off myself, in case there was any worry.)

In my quest for fun health and weight loss, I went to my second weights class this morning, looking forward to Meaghan's torture. Except poor Meaghan sprained her ankle this past Sunday during her first 1/2 marathon. Yikes.

So we had pregnant nazi lady (Sorry, didn't catch her name.). At first I thought this would be a good thing... Yeah, not so much. She likes the ball. A lot. I don't so much (at least not the fast twisting moves and the ones that strain your back that she seemed to favor). So, I stuck it out for 40 minutes until we started doing things that made me cringe. One lady picked up her stuff and left, and I followed her. Unfortunately, I think we started a mass exodus. Hmmmmmm....

So, here's my public service announcement. Classes are great, but don't assume they are good for you 100% of the time. If something hurts or pushes you too far, STOP! You don't have to be Wonder Woman. We all have that inner voice, and it's there for a reason. :)

One Good Decision

2006-10-10T16:10:00.000-04:00

I'm finding that's all it takes these days: ONE good decision. It's a little more ideal, of course, if they all happen in succession, eh?

But really, as a friend asked me once, "How does one eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Missed the bus yesterday and the run didn't get done. Lesson learned? ALL workouts MUST be completed before 5pm. You'd think I'd learn.... I think I got it this time!

So, I made it to the pool this morning, and I actually enjoyed myself (once my teeth stopped chattering uncontrollably! GAH! NOT ready for winter, dudes!). Some faster sets, some time actually feeling like I wasn't fighting the water (and losing).

So that's my focus. One good decision at a time. It's all up to me.

See, I tend to be an all or nothing type of gal. Go, go, go! Get it done FAST! Get it done BETTER! The result of this is that I get incredibly burned out. I do it with work too (thank you to those friends that have clued me in, btw - See? I'm actually not a stubborn mule... all of the time...). Get up at 3 and 4 o'clock (am) to be stuck to the magnet (NMR for you chemistry geeks), working crazy hours.... What happens? I get sick. Lesson learned? Everything (EVERYTHING) in moderation. I think I'm starting to get it. :)

Relaxing Weekend

2006-10-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

And yet, it was all too short.

I worked Saturday - lab was kind, thank goodness. Rewarded myself with some shopping and dinner with a friend (yummy bento box at our favorite sushi haunt).

Sunday I woke up in the WORST mood. I knew I had a lot of plans (cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, sewing, running), and I really felt like I wouldn't have time to enjoy the day. I found myself disgruntled and impatient, dropping things, cursing. Finally, I took a deep breath (several, actually). Everytime I started to feel overwhelmed, I would slow down and take another deep breath (This might be the reason it took me so long to get through Walmart... I think I was moving in slow motion - TOO MANY PEOPLE!!!! TOO MANY SCREAMING BABIES!!!)

*sigh*

So, I made the soup, read my book, made the turkey casserole, read some more, did the groceries, set up my lunches (all those baggies take time during the week that I don't have anymore) for the week, sewed a bunch (!), talked to my mom (managing narrowly to not scream my head off), and talked with a good friend. It ended up being a beautiful day. I figured out that I don't have to push, push, push to get the work done all at once. I can feather it in throughout the day and still relax. I also figured out that it all didn't have to be done in one day. Slow and steady wins the race, you know?

Oh, I also watched Amazing Race (the only T.V. of the day).... Dude, Peter needs to GO! What a jerk! The picture of him sitting back, drinking on the boat while Sarah was struggling up that rock wall was too much. And now that the most respectful and healthy couple (imho) on there is gone... Oy, It's becoming too much of an effort to watch, you know? They need to have that sucker on in the middle of the day when I'm tempted to take a nap! :)

Happy Monday!

Friday!!!

2006-10-06T09:39:00.000-04:00

Oh, how I love Fridays. Especially when they are rest days. I can't begin to tell you how NICE it was to actually sleep until 7am and take a shower in my very own bathroom! Bliss!

It seems I'm nesting or something for the upcoming winter. I spent most of last night rearranging my living room furniture (a bit proud of myself for figuring out how to move the small, but very heavy entertainment center across the 17' living room!). It's better now, as the heat vent is now unobscured... I daresay, I like the new arrangement - Heck, now I can watch TV easily from the kitchen!

I figured that was enough of a workout, so I skipped the planned swim (and I'm still battling with leftover rot in my chest... prolly not a stellar idea).

So, this weekend is going to be a bit of an experiment. I realized with my weight loss goal (doing well, didn't gain this week... I figure it will take a week or two for my body to GET that I want it to shed the rolls attached to my back and ass), that dinners are my biggest challenge. SO, this weekend will be a cooking and freezing extravaganza. I plan to make chicken soup (crock pot), turkey casserole (from Chris Carmichael's cookbook), and healthy lasagne (with cottage cheese).

Then the plan will be to simply pull a single serving from the freezer in the morning, and WA-LAH!~ Homemade dinner in the evening in 5 minutes or less! Beauty!

I hope you all have wonderful weekends!

Plans!

2006-10-04T10:20:00.000-04:00

Whew, I have finally recovered from the rot that was lodged in my chest. Sunday dawned a beautiful day, complete with 50 degree temps, rain, and gusting winds, so I think my idea to skip the 1/2 marathon was a good one. We'll save pneumonia for another day, yes?

So, I have signed back up with the gym. Beautiful place. Feels like I'm at a spa. And, since I'm in that happy transition time, I'm having great fun going to classes. And, boy are they teaching me a lot:

Yoga - I'm about as bendy as a steel beam.

Cardio Sculpt - "Cardio" is a joke. "Scuplt" is NOT, however. YOUCH!

Spin Class - I'm weak. WEAK.

But this means that there is a lot of room to grow (or shrink, as the case may be and IS). Looking forward to getting more trim, more fit, and more ready to race...

And you may be wondering... What race? What race, indeed... Hmmm....

How about this one?

And so that brings up a new challenge. I think I need a coach, or at least a plan tailored to my strengths and weaknesses. Oh, and when I say coach, I mean either free or slightly less than arm and leg costs. Any ideas?

Much more to come later, but for now the focus is on putting the fork down, getting to the gym, and telling that weak little voice in my head that says, "you can't do this" during wimpy biceps sets that that attitude will get me NO WHERE toward completing my goal.

One day at a time. One decision at a time.

New Plan

2006-09-29T10:28:00.000-04:00

So waking up at 4 and 5 o'clock, running one self ragged, not getting enough sleep, and traveling to the ends of the earth has had one final effect. I'm sick. It's been 1.5 years, folks. I thought I was special now. Yeah, not so much.

And, since this lovely virus has settled nicely in my chest, there will be no running on Sunday. (Besides the fact that getting from my car to the building - it IS uphill! - was a challenge this morning). Oh well. There will be more races. :)

So for now, I'm enjoying lots of hot tea (Wild Berry Zinger is the current fav), chicken soup, and sleep. Sounds like just what the doctor ordered for the next few days or so.

The good news is that my advisor has temporarily agreed to a small shift in my thesis, which means that I might actually graduate before the year 2010. Which is a good thing, because I was recommended by my eye doctor to get READING glasses this week, due to the eye strain from the computer. GAH! (At least they're cute!)

Waves

2006-09-19T12:26:00.000-04:00

So, lots of fun stuff going on right now...

Training (remember I said I was going to talk about that?)... heh. Well like most things in my life, it got just a little suckier before it got better. I think I didn't realize how much of a drain this past tri season was for me. I'll be taking some good advice next year and simply pick a few key races, instead of trying to race everything in the tri-state area. Although, I must say, I have a MUCH better handle on what racing really means (especially after Timberman).

So, I took a little break. Didn't do much. And ate. A lot. Smart? No. But I think I needed to be a sloth for a while. (mission accomplished!)

But that time is over now. I am going to join Gold's Gym this week. Can you say pampering? Every treadmill has a TV. They give out towels for FREE. The spin class kicked my butt this morning. And they have a class early every day. And a sauna (which I probably won't use). And a woman's only weight room. And a yoga studio. I could go on. You get the point. It feels good to get healthy again.

So, I'm running this fun 1/2 Marathon in less than two weeks. At first it was supposed to be a goal race, and then, well... I ate the entire contents of my kitchen and lost motivation (well, except to run from the couch to the kitchen for more snacks). And you know? I don't need anymore goals this year. :) So, it's gonna hurt. But, it's for fun. I honestly don't care if it takes 3 hours. As Rocket Pants reminded me, "This is supposed to be FUN, remember?"

3 Weeks Later

2006-09-13T12:30:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been that long. It's funny, things actually had to get WORSE before they got better.

In short, after being scooped, my computer was attacked by a virius (3 days before a talk), corrupting some much needed files, erasing all of the recent changes to my talk and paper, and making it basically unusable. Let's just say that temporary operating systems are a NIGHTMARE! And, it might could be said that I owe my first born to our amazing IT guy.

But this post is about GOOD news:

-Computer is fixed - complete with a new hard drive. Harvard talk was finished just in time.

-I didn't lose ANY data. God Bless the Backup Server. TriFeist - really hope you are backing up your stuff daily!

-Itunes pulled through.... although it's tough to bring back 40+ days of music... And talk about the good advice you just couldn't take. The NEXT time someone tells me to back my music up I WILL!

-I wasn't really scooped that badly, afterall! The abstract was scary and vague, but the preprint... well.... it sucked! Wahoo for me!

-I have a general date. To defend. It's not official, but my advisor is leaving the country for a 15 mo. sabbitical in May. So um. Yeah. That's my date.

-Last but NOT least: My mom quit smoking! AND, she's eating healthy and walking! She said this past weekend when I went home that she had me to thank for showing her how to be healthier. It almost made me cry. I cannot begin to describe the happiness I feel. She looks so much better. She smells better. The light in her eyes is back. The quickness in her step restored. And more than that, her zeal for life.... Stronger than ever. How I had missed it all.

So, as you can see, life is picking up. I guess people were wondering about me for a while. Things are better. I think I learned a lot about how to deal when the chips are down. Life is such a roller coaster, and sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes it's hard for me to ask for help. I finally learned that it's okay to admit that I can't do it all. And, I realized that my philosophy that we're all here to help each other isn't just for others.

OH yeah... is this a triathlon blog? Hmm. Well, let's take a short breather from that for today. Promise I'll be back sooner than 3 weeks to let you know how all of that is going...

Timberman Sprint RR

2006-08-22T13:05:00.000-04:00

Timberman Sprint Triathlon
August 19, 2006
Swim: .33 mi, bike: 15 mi, run: 3.0 mi

I had been looking forward to this race for some time. It was the last race of the season. I was camping with two friends (Rocket Pants and Spence), watching my cousin (Pete) and friends (Joe and John) race the ½ IM on Sunday… It had the promise to be so great…. And it WAS.

2 weeks prior to this, I raced the Greenfield long course (slightly longer than an oly). After Greenfield, I was tanked – physically, mentally and emotionally, and I essentially took two whole weeks OFF. I swam 3 times, biked 10 mi once and ran once. That’s it. Finally, I just gave into my malaise and figured at the very least I’d be incredibly well tapered for Timberman. It was a case of less is more. I was a little scared going in that maybe I had really made a mess of things, but I honestly didn’t care that much.

My only goal for this race – Leave it ALL out there. Race the sucker. Including the swim (which I normally just survive) AND the bike (which I tend to lollygag on).

So, RP and I got going Friday afternoon. After a long, hot drive, we finally got to the campground – the MOST high tech camp I’ve ever been to. We get camp set up and then head to the expo. Register, get cool socks. Head to dinner. Wait, and wait some more. Finally they let us in (these folks were sticklers for time, let me tell you, but everything about this entire weekend was just so organized, so no complaints!). And Pete and Cookie arrived. Sooo good to see them, as it’s been years. I’m a little worried as he has a knee brace (had gotten it drained and a cortisone shot the day before), but he’s in good spirits, as usual. We catch up, grab some food, and listen to the speakers (Michael Lovato, Kate Major, Chris Leigh, and Karen Smyers – the last two were great). After some pics, we say our goodbyes.

Just a short time later Spence arrives and we head to our campsite and settle in for a restless night of sleep. 5am comes much too soon, and it takes me a while to get moving. Finally, RP makes a suggestion that we eat at the race site, and I realize that we’re running late. Again. Spence is so great (She really took care of us all weekend!), and leads the way, since our car is a complete MESS – ever try to combine camping with a race? Yeah.

We get to the site, pump tires, get organized (oops, RP, I grabbed your chip – heh, don’t think she’d like that!). Mosey to the transition area – which is tough… they have so much fencing set up, sometimes it seems like you have to go miles. I plug in the tunes, wrestle with my bike, and set up. (Black horse and a cherry tree, if you were wondering). Transition is so much less the mystery it was at the beginning of the year. I’m learning.

Wrestle with the wetsuit and head down to the beach – and realize I still have my tevas on – whoops! Back to transition. Tevas off. Back to beach. Meet up with Spence, say goodbye, and head on out to the swim start (Loooooong walk, and I’m determined to not be late this time!). Swim around a little. Wait. Ruh roh. There’s a truck overturned smack dab in the middle of the course. The announcer is fantastic, though, and keeps us posted (ooh, here comes the tow truck….Now they’re sweeping the course). I’m hoping that Pete found a place to sit to save his legs. Strangely, I’m not nervous. Just ready. This race is mine.

Finally we head out to the very shallow start. 3-2-1-GO! I settle into a rhythm quickly, dodging slower (!) swimmers and head to the turn. It’s a little slow there, but looky here, I’m swimming strong. Nice long strokes, good balance, nice rotation - I can feel I’m going places. A little wavy here and there, oops there’s someone walking. I see a lady from the previous wave eyeing the kayak, and give her some encouragement. Every couple of breaths I say something, and she rallies. So good to see that.

Finally I head into the beach. People are walking in from a good ways out, and I swim by them all. Beach run. Ugh. I see Pete and Cookie, but somehow miss Spence (bummer!). I think by that point, I was just trying to get the suit off without blinding everyone with my bright white skin.

Swim: 12:02 (holy moley – it WAS only .33 mi, but still, I just know I smoked it…. For me, that is. And actually, looking at the swim, that was my BEST placement throughout the day – WEIRD.)

Transition goes well – especially since I see RP there! Wow. Okay, I don’t ever compete with this girl. She’s called Rocket Pants for a reason. And, I don’t like competing with friends. But, it was a huge lift to see her there, but I simultaneously hope that her swim was okay.... I say hi, and finish stripping. Give up on the drying. It’s no use. I see Pete and Cookie again on my way out of the bike (wow, they ran fast!). It’s amazing to see them there. I’m pumped and ready to go. And I think: Even if I blow up on the bike and the run, I just had the swim of my life. I’m happy already!

T1: 3:19

The hills start pretty quickly. Or, should I say HILL. Just one gentle hill. Unrelenting. And a lovely head wind made to order. Nothing gusting, just enough for me to think that I shouldn’t feel this bad going up this dinky hill. And then I realize, Hey, that’s going to be a lovely tail wind on the way back – SCORE! Not much to say here, except I was passed and but I also passed a few as well… I decided right then and there that I think my A races need to be big ones. The way back rocks. DOWN, TAIL wind. So nice. I grab a much needed gel, and manage to get almost completely through my drink. Good going! I’m happy too that I kept pushing throughout the entire bike. I start to think forward to transition, and the run.

Bike: 1:00:20 (14.9)

Transition was great, except I ran the wrong way, toward the bike start. Duuuude! Must pay attention to exits next time! I get going the right way finally, and everything is right with the world. I see Pete, Cookie and Spence all together and throw a mini party (I went completely berserk, actually) that they all found each other! On my way out to the course, I see Joe, going absolutely bananas, telling me to pull the entire way. He jogs along side of me for a minute and I yell at him to quit it (grin), that I’m going to get in trouble. But, his words stay with me for the entire run. So glad he was there!

T2: 2:04 (so close to sub 2 min…. goal for next year)

The run is beautiful, right along the shore. More than that, though, the course is full of people, so unlike Greenfield. It’s a beautiful sight. I settle in. Short strides, getting stronger. I feel good (go ahead, sing it.). I’m tired, but I still have enough gas to finish the run. My goal? Leave it all out there. I want almost zero kick left in me at the finish. I hit mile one at 10:30… Hmm, kinda thought I was going a bit faster than that. And the world makes sense again when I hit Mile 2 after the turn around at 8:14. Ha. No way, Jose. But, I’ll take it that I’m running 9:30s right now. Very cool. One more mile. Okay. I can’t think that far ahead. Let’s just push it a tad more for 2 more minutes. Then 2 more minutes after that. Up ahead I see some guy run with his girlfriend… Get a little disgruntled, but keep them in my sights. I realize it’s not my problem, but they are helping me forget my pain.

Sooner than I think, I see the turn around and hear Julia yelling something…. She’s great, I see Joe just behind her. Kick. Where’s my kick? Hellooooo? (Ooh, this is a good sign!) I muster a little something up and head down the grassy hill (almost losing my knee there) down the LONG finish chute. I pass my cheering section, give a grin, and cross the line.

Run: 28:11 (9:24 – YEAH BABY!)

Total: 1:45:54 (43/59)

I manage to make it through the finish. I’m completely incoherent, but HAPPY. What a great time, what a GREAT race. I had so much fun this time. I kept my head in the game, and stayed positive. THAT’S what it’s all about.

I also think it was hugely wise of me to take 2 weeks off after Greenfield. I realized that I was out there for 4 hours, which was nearly a marathon effort for me. I remembered feeling flat after Nashville, and instead of fighting it, just worked on sleeping and eating well. That was the ticket.

It was also so, so great to have family and friends there. It really makes you work harder and smile wider. When I was spectating on Sunday for the ½ IM, it was such a lift to see a competitor smile. Maybe this world would be a better place if we all did it a little more.

What was just as much fun, was watching Pete, Joe, and John in their own efforts on Sunday. The conditions were not ideal (late start, rain, very wavy swim), but they all stuck it out, and enjoyed the day. It was so great to support them.

Thanks for reading!

Dusting off....

2006-08-15T19:52:00.000-04:00

Yeah, yeah. I've been gone. I got a wake up call (hmm, literally) today. Must. Pay. More. Attention.

I can't promise that I'll be reading much or posting much in the next weeks or months. I can promise that I'm working my ass off (literally, if not actually working).

Greenfield, Schmeenfield. It's over. And, I'm proud.

This just for you TriFeist: What would you say the chances are of getting scooped not once, but TWICE in 6 years? Yeah. You know it. I'm working through it. It ain't gonna be easy, but my momma didn't raise no quitter... I think.

Amazingly, I've been going through these past weeks/months with sufficient poise so as to convince those around me that I'm actually still sane. That's a new talent!

Okay, something did have to give. I decided not to run the Chicago Marathon after all. There are really too many reasons to list. All way more important than a race that I can run for the rest of my life, if I so choose. Most of all, I'll miss seeing my WL2R friends and Sheila. But life is long. :-)

This weekend is Timberman - doing the old recover-from-last-race-slash-taper-once-more. Next season will be MUCH different. But, I always told myself this one was just for fun. Must keep it that way, and smile as much as possible!

OH, yeah! Check out Rocket Pants' new blog, and send her some comment love! (Erm, that would be my training partner!)

Take Care, everyone!

Greenfield Lightlife RR

2006-08-07T13:43:00.000-04:00

Greenfield Lightlife Triathlon
Greenfield, MA
August 6, 2006
Swim: .63 mi/Bike: 30.4 mi/Run: 7.2 mi
First ever Olympic (plus a little for good measure)
Goal 1: Finish.
Goal 2: Be happy.

Going into this race, I felt prepared. PREPARED. Bikes had been around 40 mi, runs were there, with a little speed, and swimming… Well swimming still sucked, but I figured I now KNEW I could handle most swim conditions. In the weeks previous to the race, I had dealt with a few major blows to my psyche, however. Mom needs major neck surgery (and needs me to come home to take care of her). I only have a year to finish my work in grad school (which makes #1 even worse). And some other personal issues I won’t bore you with. Let’s just say I was fully aware that things could go south just because of the lack of mental preparation and concentration.

Somehow I managed to keep it together. I’m not sure how. It just happened. I took all day Saturday, talked at length with some great friends, got my stuff together, and went over my race plan (Finish. Be Happy.). It was simple, but it made me feel safe.

Race day dawns and I plan extra time for everything. I’m starting to really learn what gets me to that “happy” pre-race miracle place, and I had timed everything wonderfully. I pack the car in a jiffy, get the iTrip going, and get on my way. It’s going to be a beautiful day. I get to the Dunkin Donuts, where I’m supposed to meet Jo, and run in for a quick bathroom visit. Perfect. NOW, I can have a good day.

Jo shows up right on time, and we both admit we are a little nervous. We laugh, and get on our way. We get to the race site, register, and find our transition areas. I’m pleased as punch that I YET again have primo space, right on the outside of the row, RIGHT in front of the bike timing mat. I set up my transition area with time to spare (enjoying my calm with iTunes). A good friend of mine had written me a pre-race letter. I read it once. Read it again. Such great advice that I plan to follow to the letter. I find a few more friends in transition: Carol (who had raced IMLP a couple weeks ago) and Laura (who has been QUITE competitive in races past, and swims about once a year – only if she has to…), and also one of the Robins (Cain –great lady, we wished each other luck).

Twelve minutes to go until the race start, and I figure it’s time to head on down to the race site. I catch Jo in the line for the potty, and can tell her stomach is doing major flips. I tell her to try to envision her favorite place, and get relaxed. Not a whole lot of time left, I decide to head down… only to realize that the oly start is WAY the hell down the beach. In the distance, I see the first wave start. Ruh Roh!!! I briefly recall that I’m in the second wave, and that there are only 2 minutes between waves! CRAP!!! Jo comes up next to me and we start our own quadrathon (run-like-heck-swim-bike-run). We get in the water. 30 seconds. Goggles on. Cap on. Head in water. Okay, wait! HOW does this swim go? I only see a single line of buoys. HELP! I frantically ask around. We’re to swim to the end, back again, and then around the buoy we started at to the finish. Guh. That seems long. No time to think about it though! 3-2-1. GO!

Swim: Sooo, the swim is in a river. A shallow, narrow river. So, you could potentially walk the entire swim. And, due to the torrential rain that this area received the previous fall and this spring, it’s a bit of a mess. Thankfully, that doesn’t bother me too much. What DOES bother me is the fact that I keep running into the buoy line, can’t seem to swim straight, and there is A LOT of contact. People are standing when they need to get their bearings, and those of us that are still swimming keep running into them. Then comes the next wave, and the one after that. I get to the first turn around, and feel like I’m in a bit more of a rhythm, when I realize I can’t see a darn thing. I never had time to spit in my goggles so they are fogging up. I give them a half hearted swipe, and get going again. After that it was the sun reflecting off the water… We’re talking the light of GOD here, folks. Can’t see buoys. Can’t see people. Can’t SEE. I just keep swimming, wanting to get finished! Somehow I manage to pass one blue cap near the end, get out, kiss terra firma, and get to my bike. Swim: 27:18

T1 goes pretty fast. No strange gymnastics with the wetsuit. But lots of fighting to get the grass off my feet. Guh. 3:08

Bike: Finally. Now I can start to enjoy this. The day is absolutely beautiful, and I know from having ridden the course a couple of weeks ago, that it’s very picturesque. Coming out of transition is a healthy hill, which doesn’t quite end for a couple of miles. Until mile 4 it’s gently rolling, passing some beautiful sheep farms and countryside. And then I travel into a beautiful cool grove of trees and through a covered bridge (a little tricky to navigate because it’s DARK). There is a great support vehicle right before the bridge BLASTING great tunes, and two guys that are total hams. Out of the bridge is a MONSTER steep hill. Every time I wonder if I can do it again (it’s a 4 loop course). After the monster hill comes some nice down hill, that’s very tempting to absolutely mash (must do this again and again and again). And finally a nice downhill, speeding through the transition area loaded with spectators. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. 3x.

The first loop I try to take it easy. The second and third loops I bring the speed back up, and the fourth loop…. Well just is. I see my speed slowly inch up from 14.6 mph to 15.2 mph. Not too shabby, I think. I kind of notice, however, that I haven’t passed anyone, and EVERYone seems to be passing me. Hmmmmm. The last loop is pretty quiet, and my brain starts to wonder…. Could I possibly be LAST? As I’m going up the hill after the bridge, the runners on the course are going up faster than I can bike. THAT was interesting. Bike: 2:01:00 (15.2 mph)

I finally zoom into transition, realizing that I’m starving. I’ve never had fig newtons during a race, but many times before, so I dig into my post-race food bag and grab two. Smartest thing I did all race, maybe. I chomp on them double deck style, thinking that now would be a great time for them to take my picture. Grab some water to wash them down. T2: 2:13 (I did sorta take my time at this point…)

Running. La la la. Darn, it’s lonely out here. Am I even on the right course? It follows the bike course, for the most part, but did I mention that there is NO one out here? I hope the water stops are still up, as I’m pretty sure that it’s nearing the mid 80s now.

Mile 1 is around 12:00. Oy. I purposely went slow for the first mile, and I’m a little surprised that I actually don’t want to/can’t push any harder. I know there are 6.2 more of them to come. And I have to pee. Badly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy a blue truck. I see a guy take down one of the triathlon signs and my heart sinks. I MUST be last. Well, I’m not going to think about that right now. The man pulls up to me and says, “Now, don’t feel bad or anything, you’re doing great, but they tell me that you’re last. I’m going to be pulling down signs behind you and relieving water stops. Don’t mind me, okay, you’re doing great!” UGH. NOOOOOO. I NEVER for a minute thought that I would be last. How could…? Well, the swim sucked. The bike was probably hillier than I gave it credit for (that would be 8 decent hills, since it was 4 loops). The run… well, my goal was always just to finish. So, what’s the problem, right?

But still. Two HUGE tears stream down my face. I realize that maybe I’ll just be the last at everything I attempt (Grad school woes.) Then I get a little angry. Eff this. I’ve had to pee for like EVER. They can all wait for me. I finally find the pull off I have been looking for and honestly it isn’t what I thought it would be. But, I feel better. Physically. Mentally, however…..

Why do I do this? Why not just train? Why do this race bs? HOW could a 15.2 mph bike make me LAST? I suck.

Wait a minute. No I don’t. There have been plenty of races where I’ve finished much better than this. I’m not sure what the deal is, especially since mentally I’ve been ON all day. WhatEVER, dude! So, I’m last NOW. That means that there must be at least a FEW people I can pass up ahead, right? RIGHT! I do NOT want to be last. I still have 5 more miles to run. That’s a lot of real estate. Let’s pick it up.

So, no real clue what my splits are, since my watch died as I was trying to retrieve them after the race, but things were getting better. At the second water stop, I see a blurred figure up ahead. Could it be? At the third water stop, I can tell it’s a girl. Oh, honey. I’m so sorry, but you are a marked woman. Because right now, I’m a woman on a mission. I bet she doesn’t know I’m last. Part of me thinks that maybe we can run in together and then another part of me says no way.

I finally pass her with a mile to go, and give her as much encouragement as I can. I’m starting to bargain with myself. 2 more minutes at this pace. Put some distance between you and her. (I can still hear her feet…). Okay, great. You know, it would be fantastic to finish under 4 hours. Let’s try that. 2 more minutes. Guh. This hurts. Bad.

And then I see another person. Walking. Oh, dude. I’m sorry, but um, I ain’t walking. I pass him with 200 yds to go. Flying. Or at least trying to, thinking that this is really going to hurt tomorrow. Shut up. Who cares about tomorrow? This is today, and I’m on a mission.
The finish clock says 3:59:53…..I run sooooo hard through the shoot, just feeling like I had something to prove. I know in my head I have a 2 minute wave ahead of me, but I want to try it. I miss by :02, but it felt good. Run: 1:24:26 (11:40)

Well, the results say that I only finished in front of one person. I’m guessing that they stopped the clock at 4:00:00, so I guess it’s good that I put the speed on. Whatever. It was my race. My goal was to finish my first Olympic race, and I DID. And, while the run was a bit of an ego bust, I was mostly happy for the rest of the day. I managed to keep my crap together through a pretty stupid swim, had fun on the bike, and pushed myself mentally and physically on the run. Total: 3:58:02

One thing I learned already. Just because it’s your “A” race, does not mean that everything is going to go well.

I decided not to stick around after the race. There was a great bbq going on, and Jo and her friend were heading over. I knew also that I had a pretty decent drive ahead of me, and I was already VERY tired (this makes me think I actually did leave it all out there). On top of it all, I wasn’t feeling incredibly sociable. I didn’t really know what I felt at that moment. I was shocked, I think. A little disappointed, a little stomped on ego-wise. But proud too. It was a strange juxtaposition of feelings that I just needed time to sort out… alone.

So, I’ve sorted. I’m so happy I set out to do this. There will be many more races in the future, and much more learning to be done. I had a great day, and the end result does not change that.

Thanks for reading!!!

Riding the waves....

2006-07-31T14:18:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been so long, I almost forgot my login and password.

These are turbulent times, indeed. I think even more than getting away, I just needed to realize that, and honor the fact that I'm going through a lot right now. Sometimes just being kind to ourselves is so, so hard.

I found a wonderful state park in MA, loaded the tent, my bike and a bunch of books. I left on Wednesday morning and had two days of peace, quiet and restitude. I got a ton of bug bites, read a LOT and journaled to my hearts content. I had a wonderful (but HARD) bike ride, sat through a thunderstorm in the car (after realizing that the tent window was open - oops!), and managed to find a shred of peace through it all. I cooked on my little stove, slept curled up with a favorite quilt and my teddy bear (yes), and remembered what it was like to dream.

Lucky for me, my retreat was extended through the weekend with an absolutely BEAUTIFUL ride in VT. A better day could not have been imagined. :)

So, I'm back. I'm regrouping a bit to focus on finishing, and my meeting with my advisor this morning, although no less abstract, gave me hope and a sense of impending success. And (smile), I have my A race this weekend. Boy, am I ready. I rode the course last week - piece of cake. Hills are my... well, you know. :)

Getting out of Dodge

2006-07-21T11:50:00.000-04:00

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. I have made a decision.

Don't worry, I'm staying in grad school. I'll file the damn S.O.L. form and finish once and for all.

But in the meantime, I need a break. A real break. No mom, no responsibilites, no chemistry.

Fortuitously, I just found out that my boss is going to be out of town all of this upcoming week.

Soooo, I have found a campsite that has swimming, hiking, and great roads to bike on. I'll be there for 3 days of wonderful solitude. Time to think. Time to relax. Time to rejuvenate. Time to settle.

I'll take pictures. :)

Uncle

2006-07-19T07:21:00.000-04:00

(If you are having a sunny Hump Day, PLEASE skip this post. It's uncharacteristically negative and depressing.)

WARNING: Meltdown Imminent

Why didn't I go into history? Orrrr, English? Something that doesn't have to WORK all of the time, something that won't suck the life out of you. Something that just IS.

Why didn't I leave here years ago when I realized it wasn't for me?

Why did I come to this weird department in the first place?

WHY ISN'T ANYTHING WORKING!?!?!?!?

I want out sooooo badly. Now. I want to leave NOW. I honestly don't care what I would do, I just want to leave. I've spent 6 life-sucking years in this hell hole, I want to end it NOW. I hate science. HATE IT!!!!!!!!

I feel like just one more failure is going to put me over the edge. I have absolutely NO motivation to finish this beast. None, whatsoever.

I just want to do something that makes me feel fulfilled, like I'm good at something. Not this constant manic-depressive feeling. Up down Up down. Things work. They suck. Things work. They suck.

I'm tired of this journey. I want off.

Yesterday the secretary asked me if I had submitted my S.O.L. form. (I thought she was telling me a joke...) I looked at her quizically and said, "Um, I don't know what that is, but it doesn't sound good!"

Apparently, in this case, it stands for Statute of Limitations. She explained... Basically you get 6 years to complete your work. After that you have to file an extension to stay. You get a year.

These past few weeks have been tough. My mom (which is still an ongoing saga), some other pretty major things that I can't go into and now this. Something's gotta give.

Racing with the Kids

2006-07-14T10:08:00.000-04:00

I decided to run my long(er) run yesterday so that this weekend wasn't too heinous. (It's going to be mid nineties here!) It was still wicked humid though! My HR was still pretty high, but I can only imagine it will be worse this weekend.

Anyway, I was just about to turn around, and for some reason instead of going to the other side of the street, I decided to stay on the same side for a minute (there are crazy bends in the road, and drivers were going very fast, for some reason). It's a good thing I didn't, since I almost got run over by a pint-sized peleton! I turn around and see the coolest thing. I see 3 bikers. Two little kids and a "bigger" kid in full out bike gear on on a suweet Giant bike. It was too cute, they were all racing!! I laughed out loud, caught the bigger kid's eye... boy, those kids were giving him a run for his money (but I think he was letting them). Too cute! Reminded me of the time a few weeks ago when a little guy decided to race me at the end of my ride... I let 'im win, of course (dude, I was tired anyway!).

THAT's what it's all about.

Happy (cool) weekends to you all!

Pics from Fairlee

2006-07-12T10:50:00.000-04:00

Pastaaaaa!

What does your bedside table look like?

My crazy bike rack and transition area - I'm 106...

The freakishly long swim... See the orange dots? Yeah... It was LONG!

RR: Tough Day at the Races

2006-07-09T20:27:00.000-04:00

Fairlee Great Triathlon
July 9, 2006, 8am
High: 89, Sunny, HOT

Swim: .75 mi
Bike: 17 mi (had been shortened from 24 due to road conditions)
Run: 5 mi

Tough Day at the Races (R rated)

Everything doesn’t always come together on race day. When that happens, it sucks. Big time. This was supposed to be my first near Olympic distance tri, so when they shortened the bike I was pretty disappointed. I would come to see what a blessing that was in short order, though. So, for now, this is my first sprint-plus.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to cry during this race. I think I was carrying around the baggage from the previous week (unhealthy parent). I had a feeling that was going to be a problem, but there really wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Friday, Jo and I drove two hours up to Fairlee to meet our friend Spence (who had kindly hosted us for a practice bike ride a few weeks before). She and a bunch of friends were also doing the race, and she had planned a pasta dinner. It was a great time, and good to log some familiar faces to see the next day.

Today dawns a beautiful day. Foggy at first, blue skies quickly burn through. Note to self: be anal about sunscreen. We get to transition without mishap and start to take notice of our surroundings. I’m feeling a bit disjointed and disorganized (this MIGHT have been due to the fact that I was packing during the Tour on Saturday…). I find my already packed bike rack. Uh… This is going to be interesting. With a little finagling, we all manage to get our bikes on and everything right as rain.

I get body marked, fight with the wetsuit and head down to the lake to check out the swim. Ugh. It looks LONG. We swim around a bit to warm up and head back to the beach for the rather long announcements about the new bike course (out and back, with a turnaround in a parking lot…. Sounds interesting, but I’m more concerned about the swim.).

Without further ado, the first swim wave starts. Then we start. Freaking people are FLYING. While I purposely started in the back of the pack, I am now the LAST swimmer by quite a bit. Ugh. Fine. My plan is to simply survive this long sucker. Just get to the first buoy. Then the second. Then the third. I get to the first buoy. That wasn’t so bad, I think.

Until wave 3 passes me. And then wave 4. I mean, I’m moving, aren’t I? I start to get frustrated. Why am I doing this? Why do I suck so bad? Why can’t I be faster? Is this ANOTHER wave? Am I going to be the last out of this damn milfoil infested lake? How could I ever even think about doing a longer race? I must have been out of my mind.

With every single one of these thoughts and the impending meltdown, I reign my emotions back in. It’s a constant tug of war: You suck. No you don’t. Yes you do! No you DON’T. I did take comfort in the fact that I was at least willing to fight with my psyche, but it made me nervous for the rest of the race. I already knew that I was on shaky ground, and judging from the massive amount of bike porn and crazy ppl riding the course the day before, it wasn’t going to get any easier on the old ego.

Finally I round the last buoy, and make it to the end. Freaking 33 minutes for a .75 mi swim? I don’t think so! My .5 mi swim (also long, I’m pretty sure!) was 18 min. So, let’s do some math: (all of this while getting started on the bike). Say each bit is 11 minutes, that would mean that my .5 mi swim time would be 22 minutes. I feel slightly better after that. I don’t think I could have been that far off pace.

I settle in on the bike. Aero most of the way. Things feel pretty good. Climb a hill, grab a gel, back in aero. My bike computer decides to play nice today and I am seeing speeds of 18, 19, and 20 mph on the flats. Hills aren’t sucking so much, but I’m getting passed like it’s nobody’s business. (All of the waves had been labeled as letters. I was in C wave, and getting passed by D, E, and F like I was standing still.) It’s my race. It’s my race.

I go down an 8% grade, turn around in a dinky parking lot, go over this massive lump in the road, and head BACK UP this hill. I keep telling myself it’s short, and I’m in the right gear. Good cadence. Yippy skippy.

I go a bunch more and then head up the last hill (which I had forgotten about, actually). Some lady passes me (again) and reads my mind…. She says what I was thinking, not out of breath, just like La la la, here we are on this fun hill, not even working hard. In my head (because I can’t currently talk), I think, Thanks Lady, I’ll yell something at your back when you’re bombing down the other side! (She had my same shoes –weird that happens every race- and we had a nice back and forth going.) I finally get my breath back and say, “Yeah, I forgot about it too!” She says (to my chagrin), “Yeah, but I have this cheater ring here (granny gear).” God bless her, she was trying to make me feel better. Me: “Erm, yeah so do I,” as I watch her fly away.

I crest the hill and go to shift into my middle ring. I thought I had it (it’s been working perfectly since I got the new derailleur on the front) until I hear that sickening “chink.” Eff. Get off the bike. Wizz. Wizz. Wizz. (Disc wheels going by.) Chain back on. Get back on bike. Try to shift again. CHINK. EFF. Damn it! Get off the bike. People passing me ask me if I’m okay. I’m frustrated. I get it back on. Go to clip in. Can’t. I take a deep breath, wait a minute and I manage it finally. Okay, here we go.

One more time..... CHINK!!!!! “Goddamnsonofabitchcocksuckingmotherfucking (hey I rhyme) pieceofshit BIKE!”

I’m pissed (Where, oh where, is my master of the obvious badge?). I’m beyond angry. It seems like 100 bikes have passed me now, and I was doing so well. I pretty much yank the chain back on, curse a few more times, and get back on angrily. I have more trouble clipping in, surprise, surprise. Finally I get going. I throw a small temper tantrum, and bomb down a hill going 28 mph in my first chain ring with a cadence of 1000 rpm. I realize that I’m wasting precious energy with this behavior, but this whole day has SUCKED. Finally, I shove my shifter hard and I hear and feel the m-effing chain catch the second chain ring. I go up one more. I’ve had it. Get this done.

I’m on the last road about 1.5 mi from the transition, zooming along when some old dude in a red car decides to not watch where he’s going. The volunteer is screaming at him, I’m yelling and trying to signal with my arm, and it’s just total mayhem. The volunteer tells me (very nicely) to go to the left (so the middle of the road), and screams at the driver to go right, but this car is speeding up and I can’t go because I’ll get hit. I finally get over, and I hear this (very hot) volunteer absolutely go off on the guy. Whew, that was close. (I don’t really blame the driver too much, as it was confusing… It was just very unnerving too…)

I zoom into T2 with my hair on fire and no place to rack my bike.

F$CK! I wrestle for a minute with the bikes and finally get it up there. At this point, I’ve so thoroughly had it, I’m thinking: “I need a coach. Now. I’m tired of being slow. I’m tired of racking my bike LAST. I’m tired of not getting food. I’m tired of getting swum over.” (That English isn’t right, but I don’t care.) And worse: I’m not having fun. The swim was slow and long, the bike sucked donkey balls, and I just saw my life flash in front of my eyes… twice!

I get my running shoes on, grab new glasses and get going on the beautiful run around the lake. I tell myself to enjoy this. It’s a beautiful day. Forget that you are racing. Forget about the swim and the bike. Forget that there is NO ONE around for seeming miles. Forget that thought that you will be last. Forget that you just saw someone with an ‘I’ on their leg pass you, and you just said: “I’s suck.” (Say it a few times, you’ll get it.)

I manage to enjoy the run, and I’m actually surprised at my run splits, given how I wasted energy and time with my outburst, and that I pretty much trashed my legs on the last couple of miles of the bike. I’m still pretty grumpy as I round the bend for the last .25 mi and I get a huge burst of speed as I cross the finish to the yells of my new and old friends.

Swim: 33:23
T1: 3:15
Bike: 1:03:01
T2: 2:43
Run: 51:54
Total: 2:34:18

Huge lessons learned:
Bad things:

I had not yet recovered from the previous very stressful week. I did go into this race with reduced expectations because of that, but I still found myself frustrated with my lack of skill compared to those around me.

It was probably a huge mistake (as usual) to compare myself to most of those around me, as this was one of the most tricked out races I’ve ever been to. I probably should have taken that into account.

It was useless to waste time in a temper tantrum. It didn’t make me feel any better (although I was briefly impressed with my rhyming skills.) Calm rules the day.

Nutrition was iffy. I had one gel on the entire course and about 2/3 of a bottle of Power Bar Endurance Formula. Probably should have finished the bottle and had a gel at the beginning of the run.

I forgot to have fun for a while there.

Good things:

I made it through the swim. I didn’t quit. And it was long. I don’t care what anyone says.

I made it through the bike with pretty decent speed. And, although I got angry, at least I didn’t weep.

I never ever broke down during the race, although I really wanted to. Somehow, I managed to mostly keep it together.

I realized that I really hate sucking, and that if it’s the day that’s sucking, life will go on. There will be more races.

(It didn’t rain!)

I remembered to have fun on the run.

I have great friends. Once again, Spence was a wonderful host, opening her home to us for much needed showers and food. Jo was awesome as usual, basically letting me just let go after the race. I needed that. Somehow we made it home, singing “I will survive” (how appropriate) and talking race strategies. That was more therapeutic than anything.

This weekend

2006-07-07T22:17:00.000-04:00

Focusing now...

This weekend was supposed to be my first oly. Well, the bike course most likely will be shortened, which will probably be a good thing (it's going to be H-O-T). And, as Sheila pointed out, now I can go FASTER on the bike.

So, Spence laid out her plan, I guess I should get my head in the game and do the same.

Swim: Once again - I am a calm swimmer. Especially through that nasty (milfoil) shit. Strong and slow and smooth. It will be my first .75 mi swim (in a race), so I'll just stay focused and calm.

T1: It would be super nice if my transition time didn't appear as though I stopped for a makeover. The wetsuit is still giving me issues, but I'm hoping that I'll have more of a system down, due to lots of practice.

Bike: Well, now I don't really know what the bike is like anymore, but it's less steep now, so I can probably put the hammer down on most parts. Nutrition will consist of a bottle of Power Bar Endurance formula and a gel or two. High cadence, like Spence said, and focus on going 2 notches less then all out.

T2: Easy. Don't step on sunglasses. Small steps. Take a gel for the run, just in case.

Run: Relax for first mile. Just get in the groove. Don't worry about the split. Miles 2-3 ramp up. Miles 4-5 - Let it all hang out. Pedal to the Metal.

Phew, that's better!

Above all, I'm going to have FUN!

Why I Tri

2006-07-06T18:21:00.000-04:00

Any other reason I've stated before is minimal. Somehow they don't seem to matter anymore. There is only one reason now that makes any difference at all.

I spent this past week at home, getting the house ready for my mom, who was returning from Montana, after volunteering a month with the Blackfeet Indians near Glacier National Park. She works so hard while she's out there, and I love getting the house spick and span for her... Buying groceries, picking up the cats.

She came home on Saturday (thankfully, I had the time to clean up the soaked basement, whip the overgrown gardens into shape, and convince the kitties that mommy was coming back.). She had a horrible headache (major neck problems), tendonitis in her arm, and was still recovering from a GI problem she contracted while in MT. In short, she was a wreck.

Of course all of this was making her more finnicky than usual. I'm sure it's understandable, but when *I* had to open her package of cigarettes because of her arm, I lost it. I can see the future here, folks. Arthritic and aching, my poor mother is going to be in a bed before she knows it. There's not much more that can be done for her neck short of a very invasive surgery (which they are contemplating now). She eats horribly, suffers from horrible headaches often, and has severe arthritis.

I don't blame my mom for these problems. Life has been difficult on my poor mom, and honestly, I think these are just some of the burdens that she still carries with her. It pains me when she's in pain. I wish I could take the pain away. I wish it would affect me instead. It tears me up inside. What makes all of this worse is that she's utterly alone. No SO, no really close friend. Part of me thinks that she drives people away because she doesn't want them to be close to her pain.

But, what really gets me is that she makes these really horrible decisions. She smokes. She eats horribly. She doesn't exercise.... She's the poster child for osteoperosis.

So when faced with opening those cigarettes, I cried. I told her that I was worried about her. That I was afraid that before too long she wouldn't be able to do simple things for herself. That she was making all of these problems WORSE by smoking and not taking proper care of herself.

I've never given her any grief before about smoking. Never. Mainly because I know that when people pressure me about anything, it only makes me want to do it more. But, I've had it. Really and truely. I want my mom to be around for as long as possible. She's only 53, for goodness sake, but she's an old 53. Just in the past 2 years or so, I've seen her muscle tone go to almost nothing. She looks... old.

It was a tough week. What I thought was going to be fun and relaxing turned into a week full of driving my mom around, going to doctors (to get a horribly painful shot), in short doing almost everything for her (including washing her at times). I stayed an extra day because she couldn't yet drive. It was terrible to leave, but I know I did the best and the most that I could.

Why do I swim, bike, and run? Why do I eat so well? Why do I not smoke or drink caffeine or alcohol? WHY!?

She doesn't understand why. We were talking about my upcoming birthday recently, and I sent her a list of triathlon-related things that I would love, complete with direct links and descriptions. I explained to her over and over that they were just ideas, and if she didn't want to get me those things, it was okay. But when we were talking about it, she told me she didn't understand any of it. She didn't know what a jersey was, and didn't seem to care to know.

I felt like she didn't want to accept part of me, but deep down I think she wishes that she could do some of this stuff, and is sad that she can't. I've tried to help her. I got her weights and a mat for Christmas 3 years ago. I haven't seen them move since, and the mat is still in the packaging. The next year I got her a pedometer. I have no idea what happened to that. You can lead a deer to water.... But you cannot control the actions of another person. She has to make her own decisions. I just hope that someday she realizes that her decisions affect me as well.

In the end I opened the cigarettes and left the room. And cried some more.

Right now I'm going for a bike ride. You know why.

Schtuff

2006-06-28T09:12:00.000-04:00

Lots of things happening right now... Good and bad.

First the bad:

The Fairlee course will probably be shortened to 17 miles (from 24) due to road conditions. I rode that course with Spence a few weeks ago, and I thought it was fine. I'm VERY bummed about the shortened course, and keeping my fingers crossed that they can patch up the roads in time.

The Good:

My A race will be Greenfield then. It kind of was already. I'm going to sign up today.
I had an awesome swim yesterday at Puffers'. 4 laps (~1600+ yds) of beautiful open water swimming. It totally kicked the pool's ass.
I have the best LBS on this side of the mississippi (so as not to compete with Amazing Hip's dude). I just got a tuneup, front derailleur replaced, and brakes adjusted... with a ONE day turnaround! FREE!!!!
I beat the weather today. I saw it was going to rain (all day) starting at 10am, so I got my bike in at 6am - LOVE the new derailleur.
I get to go home to PA tomorrow! I can't wait! - Shadow - what are you guys doing tomorrow night? I know! I changed my plans again. What can I say? Life's a little chaotic right now. :)

RR: Webster Sprint Tri

2006-06-25T21:36:00.000-04:00

Webster Sprint Triathlon
Webster, MA
June 25, 2006
8:00 am
Rain, steady, 60-70s

Why is success so surprising? Why is it so absolutely dumbfounding when we reach a goal we set? Why is there such a sense of wonder, of awe?

I’m not sure what it is, but it’s something I’ve been addicted to lately.

A little background: This is the same race site (and course) as the Danskin triathlon I did as my very first last year. I wanted to go back to see what I could do (with a new bike and more training and experience). I wanted to see if I had improved at all. I doubted that I had, and I hadn’t even bothered to check what my times were for the last race. No expectations. No pain.

This morning dawned defying the weather forecasters. Cloudy. No rain. I thought we had dodged a bullet. I felt silly for calling my new friend Joe the day before and telling him it might be wise to pack everything in plastic. I felt really dumb for making that garbage bag pack cover for my “tri bag.” But, I reminded myself that this is New England. The weather changes in the blink of an eye.

My training partner, Jo, and I head out on the road, only to meet our new weather in short order. Rain. Lots of it. Having some extensive experience in the stuff, honestly it didn’t phase me. So what? We’re going to start in a SWIM, for heavens sake! Bring it on.

We get to the race site and register. Listening to the sights and sounds of the race, I notice that the organizers must have asked my dentist to give a sample of his office music for prerace festivities. We get to the bike rack and this poor little soul comes up to rack her bike somewhat grudgingly. She says, “I can’t believe they aren’t going to call the race!” Me: “Why!? It’s just raining.” Oops. Seriously. I don’t get it. So you get wet. Then this other guy on our rack was grumping about how there were other better things he could be doing on a Sunday morning. My thought? “Well, just go do them then!” (I didn’t say that one, thankfully, as the brain-mouth barrier had been reestablished.)

My stomach isn’t playing nice, so we make the rather LONG trek to the bathroom (by the lake). Thank goodness things happen that should and I am suddenly a much happier camper. As we tromp back to the bikes I remember just how long that run is going to be from the lake to the transition area. I also note how bad that ground is going to feel on my bare tootsies and opt for the extra seconds to put on a pair of tevas after the swim (smart!).

By some stroke of genius, I had organized each part of my transition area in separate plastic grocery bags (the night before: so that unpacking was a cinch and nothing got wet neither during the transition setup nor the race). We finally head down to the beach, take a practice swim and wait for the dudes to start the race. I look for Karis and Joe (although I honestly don’t remember what he looks like… it was a good way to pass the time though!). We wait some more. 8:10. 8:20. 8:25. Finally the RD comes on the horn. Apparentl,y there was a downed tree on the course (Bunny hopping not having been mastered yet, I was very thankful they removed it) and LOTS of standing water. Woo Hoo! Ignorance is bliss. I don’t really care, just get me started on this damn swim. I’m freezing my arse off here!

SWIM:
We finally get going. La la la. We’re in the third wave, and man this is a long swim. I’m still not out to this first corner. Round the corner. BLAM!!! Oy. “F&^% ME!,” I yell. Some freaking Clydesdale tri-dude just rang my bell pretty nicely. I figure since I can still curse like a sailor (and draw some decent laughter in the process… I’m here to help folks!), I must be okay. Thankfully the rest of the swim was uneventful. I remember sending Joe some happy swimming thoughts. (Don’t think he needed them, to be honest….)

I get out and glance at my watch. Oy. Well, that sucks! Shake it off. There are things to do. Need shoes. Need to run 1/3+ mile to bike.

So, before you all tell me that I should save the party or the make-over for next time, keep in mind that it’s a freaking HAUL to the transition area. I didn’t have time to reapply my eyeliner, and still spent 7:24 in la la land.

BIKE:
I was a good triathlete and re-set my computer, but the gods hated me I guess (or really, really loved me) as the sucker crapped out right at the beginning of the 1+ mile long hill. Lovely. Maybe I didn’t want to know how un-fast I was going anyway. Fine.

The hill has three stages. I’m well versed with this thing since I did it last summer. So I’m a little sad when I see a gal walking her bike just a few feet into it. I tell her that she can do it, and she responds (a little bitterly), “No, YOU can do it.” I argued one more time, hoping she would just get mad at me and hop back on.

I get up the hill, take a deep breath, and hang on for dear life. The worst screaming downhill I’ve ever encountered meets me at the very tippy top.

OhmygodI’mgoingtodie… Momcanhavethecats.

And then: “Momma! Just killed a man… put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he’s dead. MOMMAAAAA….”

Okay. Let’s just say I see ½ of my life flash in front of my eyes. Nasty road, lots of water, obstacles, and VERYFREAKINSTEEP. Hands cramping.

I finally see the lady at the bottom… HARD right hand turn. I crawl around that puppy and start working. Lots of nice rollers and flat coming. Let’s haul it. Three guys thought they could pass me, but I love rollers. I pass ‘em all again. And then some. I cruise into T2 (after seeing Jo out on the run).
T2 is much better (2:17), however I manage to drop my sunglasses and step on them (clutz!). Momma always said my middle name wasn’t Grace for a reason. Thank god it’s raining!

I decide I’m going to kick it up on the run. I want to say that I left it all out on the course, and while I worked hard on the bike, I still feel pretty decent. Tired, but decent. Some gal in my AG passes me and I try to keep up. Nope. There’s kicking it, and there’s foolish. Maybe I’ll catch her on the flip side. I see Jo again, tell her to push it in (she’s having a great race!).

Nothing weird on the run. No chickens or dead frogs. Just baby rollers. As I head back to the finish, I see another lady in my AG. She’s a marked woman. I am absolutely determined to catch her and pass her. I don’t care how it happens, or what shade of blue I am when I cross that finish, but I am going to be ahead of her in the standings, darnit. (Of course I wish her the best and all of that….)

We round the corner. I’m gaining, but it’s hard. Gaining some more. We round the last corner. I pass her (“Great job!”) and head on to the grass (thinking: Wouldn’t this be funny…. I just busted my ass to pass this poor lady and I go blam on my butt on the grass?). Thankfully that didn’t happen. I see a dude blaze by me as I kick it. (Darn – you better not mess up my picture, Cowboy.)

Can’t breathe. Can’t see. Must hit stop.

Breathing, seeing and stopping the watch all commence and they remove my chip. I find Jo. I think she’s talking to me. I mumble. “Um, are you okay?” Blank stare. “Wha…?”

I think it’s safe to say I left it all out there. Anyhoo, I’m tickled pink. There is almost nothing better than knowing that you are getting better, and having a ton of fun doing it. Next up…. First oly in two weeks!

2006 (2005):
Swim: 18:42 (18:18)
T1: 7:24 (7:06)
Bike: 50:02/14.7mph (58:13/12.7mph)
T2: 2:17 (2:32)
Run: 27:36/9:31 (29:42/10:14)
Total: 1:46:01 (1:55:53)

More Rambling...

2006-06-23T15:05:00.000-04:00

Heh.

Thanks to my single commenter, I'll try to keep this short. :)

This Sunday is Webster Sprint Tri. Should be a ton of fun, as it's the same SAME course that Danskin was last year (oh, and it's like $30 cheaper).

Can't wait to tackle this hill....

Race report to come, ya'll!

Have wonderful, safe weekends...

OH, and....

happy birthday to SPENCE!!!!!

A little miracle...

2006-06-22T10:47:00.000-04:00

My run this morning started out as nothing special. It kind of sucked, truth be told. I changed my schedule around today because I noticed that I feel "flat" at work. Probably I overworked myself last week. I thought maybe a lie-in might help. (This is the time that the life of a grad student is very nice indeed.)

I looked outside and saw blue skies. Excitement. I got dressed, ate something and was out the door for a slow and easy 6 miles.

Little achilles pain. Mash the crap out of trigger point.

Little right knee pain. Take it easy. (That's nothing new, and I'm learning to embrace these little aches and pains as badges of honor. They say hello. I say come along for the ride.)

Tired. Not surprising, seeing as I indulged my usually strict self to watch a movie until 11 last night. It feels good to do that every now and then.

Slow. Working on that, but it's:

Humid. Wickedly so, which is making my:

HR very high. Fine. It is what it is. Today will be like an unplanned tempo as the temperature and humidity inch up.

I have a million reasons to quit (okay... maybe 5). But, deep down, I still enjoy what I'm doing.

In the end, it was GYGO podcast that saved me. And, sorry, guys, it wasn't IronWil or Kahuna that inspired this time. In fact, I'd almost call it a miracle.

See, I'm so far behind in podcasts, it's almost like I'm ahead. I've been catching up slowly though, and today, I thought it might help.

Cue Episode 14. It wasn't advertised in the beginning as anything special. It was Easter weekend (see, I'm THAT far behind!!), and they were just winging it. Wil was talking about her hand, forearm and foot fettish (and I was chuckling, because I love a strong man's forearms... and calves, and I can appreciate a nice (clean) foot as well). It was light and funny, and took my mind off of my little complaints.

The heat pressed on. Sweat dripped through and on every part of my body. Down my face. Into my eyes. I had almost completed an entire 24 oz bottle of water in an hour. I still had a mile to go, and I really just wanted to walk. Who would care? Who would know?

And then Wil mentioned someone from blogland I really admire. As soon as she started talking about this "strong woman" I knew exACTLY who it was going to be. I broke in a grin and said, "Sheila!" Sure enough. And then to make it all better, Kahuna read one of her posts (about a run no less). If was the right freaking medicine at exactly the right time.

So, thanks guys! And of course, thanks to Sheila. This life is so funny (especially in this very small context). I don't know. Maybe I see more than I should in small events, but they seem to be so few and far between, it just seems more worthwhile to grasp up what I can. It lifted me up. It took me out of my misery. Had it been another blog, I doubt it would have done the trick.

We never know when or how we will have the chance to touch another life, whether it be in a good or bad, huge or very small way.

For those interested, this is what I heard:

"As always, I am battling the brick demons. I am just running as best I can. I'm not looking at the HRM, as it would be pointless. I'm just trying to get a decent cadence with tiny wittle steps (a la Elmer Fudd). I pull my hat down further over my eyes as the sun is bugging me and so is the wind. I get to the first mile. 8:42. What the fuck is that? I shouldn't be running that fast (remember, I am S-L-O-W). Especially after that hard ride. But really I don't feel all that bad. Just the usual this-fucking-sucks-it's-a-brick-run-why-the-fuck-do-I-do-this-shit bad. So I figure that since I'm into a headwind, and I will always run faster back towards home, what the hell let's do another 7 minutes out and then turn around.

No problem. It does suck just a teensy-weensy less with the little tailwind. I figure I must look like total crap, but then my head registers, "Hey, we don't really feel all that bad maybe we CAN keep a decent run pace up in an Ironman." I guess the more you do this shit that hurts you, the easier it feels. Thanks coach! My threshold for suckiness is much bigger now. I am thinking that few of my friends that I used to train with could keep up with the shit I do now. Or maybe they could. I alternate between feelings of invincibility and total suckitude. This is what keeps me training, I guess.

I start the last mile home, and all I can think is, "MAKE IT FUCKING STOP." No walking, no slowing down now, just run and get it done. In reality, I was also thinking how long could I keep going like this? And I know that with a little Coke or Ultra Violence, a long, long time (I didn't even use the old Ultra Violence today!!!). I was listening to some music on the radio, but seriously I didn't even hear it."

I had a moment

2006-06-21T06:36:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday, I headed out for a brick. I still stand by my postulate that weather people have the only job where they can be wrong every day and not get fired. They were calling for severe thunderstorms. We had... blue skies. Bah!

I got home, changed in a jiffy, fixed my front tire (again - what is up with THAT!? not a flat, just keeps rubbing on the brake...), and headed out the door for the beginning of a brick. My plan was to ride Rt. 9 (Uber hilly road), come back and then go for a 4 mile run.

Not really having much time for a warmup (stupid), as Rt. 9 starts pretty much outside of my apartment, I started in on the hills right away. The first one wasn't bad, but the legs weren't liking it... at all. I made it up one hill, down, and 1/2 way up the second before I realized that this is a fairly advanced ride. Maybe it's better to take it a bit at a time.... Go a little further each ride (I'll plan to do a hilly ride a week), and pretty soon, just do all of Route 9! That will be my end-of-the-summer goal.

So, I turn around (go up another hill), and hit my Winery route. Ahhhh. Much better. Some very gentle grades. La la la. I'm enjoying the heat and the wind and the SUNSHINE until I happen to look to my right. I saw a dead kitty. :( I *almost* stopped (people were out and about at the house across the street.), but it made me so sad, I realized I really couldn't do anything. He was so cute too... This heat is so hard for our little critters - Don't forget about them!

Soon, I forgot about my sadness, though, because I happened upon a little find.... I passed this road called "Hardwick Pond Road" and thought, "Gee, I wonder what's down there!" I love exploring, and I was greatly rewarded... I round a corner after 1/2 mile and find...... a HUGE POND! (Who'd a thunk?) It gets better.... There are 3 swimming docks a good distance out. (I'll never swim there by myself of course, but it's nice to know that I *can* go there on the weekends, should I so choose!).

So, I turn around (after a lady that looked VERY much like one of my good friends from school asked ME for directions.... I don't think I helped that much because I was still trying to make my brain work correctly. "That can't be Melissa... She's in Oregon." Geesh.), get back to the house, grab a frozen Energice (not bad), my fuel belt (it's hot!), and I'm out the door.

The legs are a little wonky, so I focus on small baby steps. I take it slow for the first mile (as it includes two short but steep hills). Gradually I settle into a rhythm. I turn around after 20 minutes (realizing that I'm about to burn over 800 calories for the day, and I probably shredded my legs a bit on the hills) and head back again (I've now travelled this road a few times today already... and I think people are starting to recognize me as "that crazy girl!").

I see a lady cross the street to get her mail, and wonder if she's a runner... She just has the look. She looks at me and tells me that she's jealous because I'm doing what she usually is at that time! Woo Hooo!!! I tell her that maybe I'll see her out sometime. :)

And then the unthinkable happens. Just a few minutes later, a man comes running out of his house and asks me if he can talk to me. I'm a little confused (I don't know him at all!). He crosses the street and tells me that he's training for his first marathon (MCM) with his son, and asks me about my running back ground. (I admit to getting a little chill... This is a first for me.) Welllll, I did my first marathon in April, I tell him! He gets excited and starts pelting me with questions. How do I pace? How often do I run? What am I training for?

And then: Do you drink when you run? He starts to tell me that he ran an 8 miler on Sunday WITH NO WATER! (Guys, it was 90s here with a dewpoint near 70 on Sunday. I also ran an 8 miler Sunday, almost completely finishing a 24 oz bottle of PowerGel Endurance, and another 24 oz bottle of water when I got home....) I promptly conjure up my meanest mommy voice and tell him that that is a very BAD idea! Well, I was somewhat gentler, but my eyes almost popped out of my head. Ohmygosh! If he learns nothing else, I hope he heard me say that! I told him that he should also be replacing electrolytes, and to check the MCM website to see what sports drink they are using... and then to train with it. I hope he heard me.

But, let me just tell you how cool it was to be mentoring someone about marathon training. I am by no means an expert, but it was just the greatest feeling. It's one of the things I love most about running and triathlon - that ability to pay it forward and share the gift with someone else. That, my friends, is what it's all about.

Diet Revisited, Training Week, and Bike Name Revealed

2006-06-19T18:01:00.000-04:00

Alrighty then... New diet. I kind of splurged a bit this weekend, mainly because I was so far behind and because it was a pretty big weekend (for me). So, I am feeling MUCH better now. In an effort to get back on the wagon, I have a new diet with much less emphasis on counting cals, and more on just eating healthily.

6:00: Oatmeal, brown sugar, milk (swim at 8-arms tired)
9:30: 12 oz chocolate milk (skim), then a little later: plum, granola bar
11:30: turkey and swiss on multigrain bread with tomato (whole sandwich); banana
2:00: apple, yogurt
5:00: 1/2 lb. haddock, 1/2 c brown rice, big salad, piece jalopeno blue cornbread
7:00 (planned): 1/2 c LF mint choc. chip icecream

Here's a pic of dinner... It just looks so good, doesn't it?

So, what do you think? Better???

I'll add another little meal on double workout days.

Anyhoo, even though I felt like such total crap last week, I managed to pull off one of my biggest training weeks yet. (As in EVER). Fun stuff!

Mon - s1500, r3

Tue - b15.2

Wed - s1500

Thur - b13.1, s300 (Puffers)

Fri - rest

Sat - b24.1, r1.3, s100

Sun - r8

Swim: 3400

Bike: 52.4

Run: 12.3

Time: 8:56:00

Woo hoo! Next race of the year is coming up this Sunday - Webster Sprint. It should be a good one, as it's the same course that Danskin was last year.... I have some hopes, but they all line up after: "finish the gd swim." Girl's gotta have priorities.

Oh yeah! How could I forget... The topic of my nameless bike came up in Fairlee this weekend. It was a struggle for me because of the girly color. So we decided that it had to either be a girl's name (which I wasn't cool with for some reason) or a gay man's name. Sooooo, I've had this major crush on Vin Diesel for YEARS, and it just FITS. Jo and I came up with it on the way home, and honestly I just knew it when I heard it! It'll be Diesel for short (and sits next to Tank), or if I'm in a really bad mood VD.... :) Or Vinny if I'm happy. What a versatile name! And, if rumors are true (well, that and the fact that he's a major celeb), it's the only way I'll ever be with him (*sob*).

Fairlee Excursion

2006-06-18T14:31:00.000-04:00

Just a couple of weeks ago, Spence contacted me and told me that she lives on the Fairlee course (first oly ever, coming up 7/9).... She asked if I wanted to come up and ride the bike route.... Ummm yes! And, how cool would it be to meet a fellow blogger? Very cool, as I was soon to find out.

So Saturday at 6am, Jo and I load up the car. Bikes, helmets, bike shoes, running shoes, wetsuit, bathing suits, towels, pump, food, and other assorted and assundry items litter the car. We stop THREE times to fix the bikes (note to self: must get roof rack), but we get there just in time to meet the most generous and hospitable host EVER. We get our acts together and ride down to the transition area (um... which had looked much bigger in the pics Spence posted....) And then we start.

We start out slowly on a nice flat road. Ahhh, this isn't so bad, I think. Give me 23 more miles of this. Mile 3 - Spence says, "this is our first baby hill." Jo: "That's a BABY hill?" A sign of things to come, for sure!

I haven't ridden with Jo all season yet, and it becomes apparent why. She has a ROCKET attached to her bike. I mean, someone should really talk to her about that... I'm sure it's not legal.

Somewhere around mile 6 or 7? we come to what Spence says is the first of the monsters. Ug. 5.4 mph most of the way, with HR of 189 (92% for those playing along at home). But, I did it.

We all catch up again and I hear Spence say to Jo that the next one is just as long but STEEPER. How the f...?! Okay, they like to grow 'em steep here in VT.

All along the way, I'm enjoying the company (that is when I'm not slogging up the mountains). It's a beautiful sound when bikes shift in unison... click click click, pedal pedal pedal. And, it's GREAT to have the company of friends on a bike ride. I've been missing out.

Hill 2. Jo and I unleash a "BRING IT!!!" Oh my god she was right. It IS steeper. The last one was a question mark. This is heinous. Why am I here? How am I ever going to finish this triathlon? I'm never going to make it. I've been riding hills! How is it that I'm so unprepared for the wrath this monster is dishing out.

Wait a goddamned minute. I've been through worse. I've hiked 22 miles (a day) in the ME 100 mile wilderness. I've backpacked with sciatic nerve issues and 2 blown out knees. I finished a marathon with cramping. I've been through so much CRAP in my life and gotten through with FLYING colors. Why should this be any exception? Come on, girl. Get it done. I was hoping that Spence wasn't right behind me because I literally started talking to myself at this point

And.... I realized I was humping my bike. You know what I mean. You know when you're on a really hard hill and you start using your upper body? I managed to quit that and made it to the top. This biker dude came along as we were catching our collective breath in a parking lot. He looked refreshed, like he had just done 10 FLAT miles in the largest chain ring... La la la! He waves to us and says, "Come on !" We all mumble something like, "yeah, yeah... "

The rest of the ride was wonderful! Rollers and Screaming Downhill and FLAT. I'll take it! We finally get back to Spence's house and Jo and I decide to run about 15 min off the bike. First brick of the season, and it didn't feel too shabby, except for the fact that my HR was 180 or so. Must work that out.

We get back and all pile in to go to the lake. Spence is chatting about some sort of plant growth. I wasn't really paying too much attention, to be honest (sheepish grin)... I thought it was just some interesting information about the lake. I get the wetsuit on and get in. HOLY FREAKING CRAP! IT'S COLD. (not as cold as puffers was on Thursday, though). They tell me to shut it pretty much (as I'm the only one with a wetsuit). We start swimming a bit. About 50 yds out I notice some thing yanking at my arms, but pay no mind.

One more stroke, and I'm in the midst of a freaking JUNGLE! Hundreds (it seems) of these nasty sprouts are just below the surface and their viney arms are yanking at mine! I get my head out of the water and scream! Spence starts laughing. Jo and I catch up to Spence and I say, "I'm sorry, but that is some NASTY SHIT!" Yeesh! Soooo thankful we did that.

So, we get back and shower (that was GREAT!) and head to the deli. I swear, I've never liked Salt & Vinegar chips... until yesterday. I mean, they used to make my tonsils swell just thinking about them. Until yesterday. I saw them and I wanted them. I ate them like they were candy. (See? I'm getting better at listening to my body....)

We finally get going on the road, and all the way home I just keep saying, "That was so much FUN!" It really was, Spence - Thanks so much for showing us around and being such a wonderful host... especially when you had a tri the next day!

Some things I observed and learned (kind of a last will and testament... to be continued of course)

"have you ever taken your wheel off?" "No."
(learning how to take my wheel off)
baby hills
monster mountains
The meaning of "steeper"
"Come on!"
BRING IT! (always a staple)
what woodchucks are good for (not much)
the cutest/biggest dog in the WORLD
Salt & Vinegar Chips
The lady with the white hair
NASTY SHIT!
camp stomping grounds
"What's that noise?"
"How 'bout giving those aero bars a try?"
"See you in 3 weeks!"

You people are geniuses! (I'm feeling rather stupid.)

2006-06-16T06:08:00.000-04:00

I have never been so happy and proud to have a blog in my life.

I did NOT think I was low on carbs. I was thinking calories (yes) and good fat (almonds, fish, avocado, lean meat). As it turns out, this could be a trifecta. I honestly think the only thing I was getting enough of was protein. And, you all thought I even needed more of that. Basically, I think the moral here is: More is more.

The calories were quite subpar. As Spence helped me figure out... My BMR is 1700. That diet was giving me 1500. Ummm, that's not freaking going to work!

After you started saying that I needed more carbs, I picked myself up off the floor, and realized you were RIGHT! My ass has been dragging hardcore. Like move 5 steps and feel like I hit the wall. I've been tired in a way I never have been. My *muscles* have been just absolutely fatigued beyond all measure, and I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me. It was an effort to lift my friggin' arm. NOTE: This is how you feel after a week of carb depletion!!!! It has a MAJOR effect.

So, yesterday (after realizing how much I was craving a loaf of bread), I went to the grocery store (this was after our open swim... I was absolutely ravenous) and ordered a 6" roast beef grinder. Normally these are so filling that I can only eat 1/2 at a time... I wolfed the entire thing down. I don't even think I bothered to chew. So freaking hungry and carb starved. Then last night, I had my usual chicken fair (Shadow: I can still only manage a 1/2 breast.... You're a machine!), with salad, brown rice, and a small piece of jalopeno blue corn bread for dessert. I left the table feeling satisfied and happy that I had prepared a well balanced meal for a change. It amazed me that my plate was full (what a beautiful sight!).

I got to bed at a good hour (sheesh, it was still light!), and woke up feeling GREAT! Lesson learned!!! Food is fuel! While I think I managed to cut the crap and most of the bad sugar, I think I just went and cut everything out. I'm not a friggin' rabbit. I'm willing to bet that my workouts go a TON better now. This week has sucked donkey balls.

So, now I am well fueled (or getting there) for my practice ride with Spence! My training partner and I are going to drive up tomorrow and ride the Fairlee course. Then we're going to swim (test the waters so to speak) and grab lunch. I can't wait! Report to follow.

Have wonderful weekends everyone!
Yay for Carbs.

My A-Ha! Moment

2006-06-15T06:42:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it takes a while.... Sometimes it takes longer than *that*! This is one of those times. I'm okay with that though. I'm going through a change (I'm finally, FINALLY on FIRE to finish grad school - hence my AWOL nature with this blog in recent days...!) My schedule has survived a drastic change (I am now getting up at 5am every day), and my body finally accepted it today. I've been more forgetful lately, but that's because of these changes. I just have so much going on in my pea head that I can't remember where I put my keys, or my watch, or my swim cap. (But, I found the watch! Yay!).

Back to the aha! moment. I've been complaining to you guys that my legs (and my whole body, for that matter) feel dead. I thought I had come up with all of the reasons, but as it turns out, I forgot the most important one of all: My diet. I've recently changed my diet (I've made minor changes throughout the past month, resulting in what I thought would be a great diet to fuel my body and get down to basics...). I'm thinking that I'm not getting enough of something. I'm going to let you be the judge....

6:30 - Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, brown sugar (swim at 8am)
9:00 - Rice or Soy crisps, grapes
11:30 - 1/2 whole-grain pita filled with tuna, egg or crab salad (minimal mayo), carrots, orange
2:00 - pear, LF yogurt
4:00 - 4 FF fig newtons (if have 2nd workout -run or bike)
6:00 - marinated chicken tender (like 1/2 breast), salad

Let's see if you find it. It hit me like a ton of bricks this am. Actually, I think it's two problems, but I have to sit down and do the math. Something tells me I can't ramp up my training, give blood, and recover from a race with this diet... Or maybe I'm wrong? Help!

Dead Legs

2006-06-12T18:48:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems that there are a few factors affecting my running.

The biggest is probably the fact I gave blood on Friday. That had a major impact right away, and I still feel slightly less than par. All normal, all good to keep in the back of my mind (and maybe next time, I'll do it after race season ends).

Next is recovering from last week's tri... Although, I suspect I'm pretty much done with that now.

Next is the bike ride I went on yesterday - Through beautiful MA farm country with many GREAT hills (Bring 'em on!). Can I just say I LOVE where I live? I'm finding my climbing ability (all seated, thankyouverymuch) much improved, and the fear has largely dissipated from "Oh my god, that's huge!" to "Eh, that's just a little bump... Get me to a bike!"

Finally... Ugh. Confession time. I think I lost some running fitness after the marathon. A whole month off followed by only running 3 days a week... And then getting slightly injured at the tri. Yup, it all adds up. But, the greatest thing about being in the *beginning* of tri season is that I can build it back.

So, enough with the excuses. I finally got back to it (after a week off) today. Felt pretty great to do a "double" for a change, and just knowing that it would get better in a week or so (if not in a couple of days) was enough to keep me happy. HR was elevated (duh), feet felt okay (except for right inside heel... not sure what was up with that, but I'm chalking it up to expected aches and pains.).

And, I'm starting to get that feeling (and those looks) that I'm moving out of my apartment some days... Especially Mondays and Wednesdays (swim and run days). guh. I have my computer, my swim bag, my running stuff, my lunch bag (which is quite large now, with all of the fruit and veggies that I pack), and my purse. If there's mail to be delivered, I shake my head and leave it for a Tuesday or Thursday (bike days). Or a Friday! Rest, glorious rest. Honestly I hate rest days normally, but it's nice to have a break from moving out!

But I love every bit of it! :)

KKPW explained and Flux...

2006-06-10T15:56:00.000-04:00

Okay, Jeno, you asked...
Since I can't sing it for you, I'll write down the words and you'll have to try to find a buddy that had this song sung to them ad nauseum. It was a personal fav of mine.

(And, actually, I think it's called 'This Old Man')

Vs. 1:
This old man, he played ONE, he played knick knack on my thumb
With a knick knack paddy wack give a dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

Vs 2:
This old man, he played TWO, he played knick knack on my shoe
With a knick knack paddy wack give a dog a bone
This old man came rolling home

(You see where this is going, I'm sure...)

Vs. 3: THREE; tree
Vs. 4: FOUR; door (or floor)
Vs. 5: FIVE; hive (although that always sounds dangerous, so I try to come up with something else during that lap.)
Vs. 6: SIX; with some sticks
Vs. 7: SEVEN; up to heaven
Vs. 8: EIGHT; on the gate
Vs. 9: NINE; on a dime OR all the time
Vs. 10: TEN; with a hen

I can usually get to 12 (which is what I need for a long set of 600 in a 25 yd pool). Just have to get creative with 11 and 12 (shelves works for 12... and 11 is much like 7). Hope that helps!

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program.

Updates:

Swimming - Swam 3 times this past week, mainly because of the rain. Felt good to get back to it!

Biking - Biked once (and once more tomorrow). Because of stinking rain.

Running - Ran not at all. Because of bruised heels (yes both of them) sustained in triathlon. I think things are back to normal (after lots of icing). Might give it a go tomorrow after bike ride.

Giving Blood - Once. Yesterday. Freaking filled the bag, and then almost passed out. Probably due to the fact that my BP was 106/66 *before* donating. Nurse Betsy was a little nervous, and I was feeling funky for the next couple of hours. Drank a TON of water last night.

Killing Ants - 100s. My apartment seems to be a bit infested. And, let's just say that the Rookie - gu incident didn't help matters AT ALL! GAH!

Organizing - Lots and lots. I go through these phases where I feel like my life contains too much entropy (that's chaos for you non-science peeps) and I go into super anal mode. I'm there now.

Losing things - 5 times. I've lost my school keys twice (the second time led to the organizing frenzy), my car keys once. Also lost were my swim cap (found that tucked in my flipper) and my nice timex lap watch. That's still lost :(

So, the organizing apparently wasn't that successful because I'm very scatter brained. This happens sometimes too, and it's usually when I have a lot on my mind. Right now it's school. I want to get out of here, so I'm trying to organize my time (day, week, month) so that that can happen in a most efficient manner. The thing is that I'm working on a project that has almost nothing to do with my thesis. This is a huge problem.

I brought it up to my advisor this past week, saying that while I'm interested in this project, I'd like some sort of assurance that it will go in my thesis (i.e. not time wasted). His response was pretty fair, but it was the first time I ever felt used. He said to do another week's worth of experiments and then see where we are. Ummmm, okay. See, I'm at the point where I can get a week's worth of work finished in a day or two. And also figure out what the heck it all means while coming up with new experiments to do tomorrow. This means (I know) that I've matured into a thinking, breathing scientist. While I like this transformation, I'd also like to get the hell out of here.

One more week. And then my patience runs out. And, no more of this global "let's see where we are" crap. I want DATES, DETAILS, and CONCRETE PLANS, dammit! Probably one of the smartest things I ever did while I was here was to take a class on teaching at the undergraduate level (yes, they actually teach how to teach! How amazing - On my final evaluation of the class, I said that ALL professors on this campus should have to take this course.). We learned a lot, but the most helpful for my situation right now is that my advisor and I have VASTLY different learning styles. I am almost 100% linear-sequential and auditory. Guess what he is? Yup, global and visual.

Soooo, I ask a question with a fairly straightforward answer (yes or no, for example) and get.....

"Well, um, yeah, well, let's see... If we define the peak as blah blah blah, we can surmise that blah blah blah and then if we scratch our butts and pick our noses we can think some more and come up with something that isn't really anything at all."

Which leads me to ask the question... again. Before, it usually took 2 or 3 iterations of this until I get frustrated and then just say, "Is it YES or NO?"

So, now I know the problem. Not sure of a solution per se, but it definitely makes me smile when this happens now. :) Unless we're talking about my future.

Knick Knack Paddy Wack

2006-06-09T11:33:00.000-04:00

Whew, nice that blogger is finally among the land of the living.

The rain has totally sucked, but I FINALLY got in a GREAT ride last night. I decided to head down to "Gate 43"... past the winery, past the beautiful big foot (pic to come), past the beautiful views... and down the rabbit hole. Down, down, down I went. And down some more. 1 plus mile of down. Which meant 1 plus mile of UP. I stuck 'er in the granniest of all gears and got it done pretty easily - And felt GREAT. There's nothing like that "cleaned-out" feeling after a hilly ride.

So, today it's raining again (surprise surprise). So, I got to work at 6am and finished two NMR experiments... analyzed one and got ready for my meeting at 10. But not so fast! At 8, I went to the pool, swam 1200 yds (one nice long set - using the song Knick Knack Paddy Wack to count laps - what fun!), showered, and came back with time to spare for a well-earned breakfast! I'm going to have to do that again! :)

Not much else planned except for work tomorrow (groan), a long run (the foot has healed now I think), giving blood (today), hanging out with a friend, and then getting my front derailleur switched out (to 105...) and riding with another friend. Should be fun! Oh yeah, tonight, I'm going to cuddle up on the couch and watch "So you think you can dance" with the kitties. That swing dance guy is amazing! Hey, I have to have *some* vice.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

(give a dog a bone... this old man came rolling home!)

Is something missing?

2006-06-06T13:43:00.000-04:00

Thanks everyone for your great comments. :)

So, above is the t-shirt we were given. It was a great race, and support was excellent. I even like this t-shirt more than most. But something struck me as a little odd. Maybe it's me. Maybe I need to get over it. It's just.... well, see if you see what I mean.

Unfortunately, it looks like I bruised my left heel during the triathlon at some point. I'm guessing on the run from the beach to the transition area. I really don't think it's PF, as it's on the outside of my heel, and the pain hasn't migrated like it usually does (up and down the fascia). So, that's good. In the mean time I'm icing and resting it. I'm thinking I should be good to bike though, as it only hurt during the run (and it hurts to walk, albeit less today than yesterday). I'll give the bike a go tomorrow.

One thing I'm lacking right now is training rhythm. I mean, I'm getting some good workouts in (usually 6-8 a week), so I'm happy with that, but since the marathon (recovery) it hasn't yet fallen into a predictable nature yet. This foot complication isn't helping matters, but I guess this is just a great time to practice patience.

RR: Ludlow Sprint Triathlon

2006-06-05T11:11:00.000-04:00

Ludlow Boys & Girls Club Sprint Triathlon
June 4, 2006, 8:00am
Course: ½ mile swim; 14 mi bike; 4 mi run
Weather: 57-60F, light rain
Goal: Finish the swim. Have fun on the rest.

Short story: I met my goals… and then some. Vindication is sweet, indeed.

Long story: It’s been 9 long months since my second triathlon. That’s a long time to have the memory of getting towed in from very choppy water. It was the right decision at the time, but I’m happy to say that I’m a much more seasoned swimmer after this winter and spring. Still, it was with a good amount of trepidation that I went into this triathlon. I guess you could say that I’ve fallen in love with this sport through the training. Which makes sense, I guess… Seeing as that’s how I spend the majority of my time. So, this spring, I took a chance and registered for 4 (soon to be 5) triathlons… Which meant things had to start going better at the race scene.

So, I set about preparing myself for this race. I wanted to leave no unknowns. I biked the course the week before, so I knew that there was one challenging yet short hill and a bunch of rollers (but also some nice flats and descents). I checked out the pond while I was there too, and found it to be pretty warm and clear.

I also had a HUGE upgrade in equipment. I bought a new bike just before my marathon, and it’s fabulous. Then, just a week before the triathlon, I bought a wetsuit. And, ohmygosh, does it make a HUGE difference! The Thursday before the race, my training partner (Jo) and I went to Puffers (freezing) pond. It was COLD. So cold that putting my face in the water was a huge challenge. We swam across the pond and back – Probably one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.

So, the night before, Jo came over and we went to dinner. For some reason, I was jonesing for buffalo chicken pizza. That decision would haunt me later, but it tasted good at the time. We went back and I went through my gear. Sunscreen was added to the list, having learned from my lobster mistake in Nashville. We chatted about our season, Jo convinced me to set the clock a ½ hour later, and then we headed to bed. As usual, this was just an exercise in futility, but I just concentrated on resting.

Race morning.
Rumble, rumble, rumble. Is that thunder? Erm, no. That’s my stomach. Ugh. Two trips to the bathroom later, and things seem to settle down. I get dressed in a jiffy (wearing my Nashville marathon t-shirt… that helped a bunch with the butterflies.) and before I know it, Jo is saying we should go! What?! I’m just a tad annoyed (this is why I wanted to get up earlier!), but we get going and get on the road. Thankfully, the week before I had worked out the kinks in the directions (actually my lack of direction sense… I ended up going 30 miles out of my way… the WRONG way the previous week for my practice ride.), so we get to the race site with no problem.

I park. Jo heads off for coffee (as she’s spectating, and it looks to be a nasty day). I get the bike off and then realize that I need to put my purse in the trunk. Not wanting to open the trunk and seem so obvious, I go through the back seat… and promptly gouge open my middle finger. Blood everywhere. Ugh. Well, at least I got my injury out of the way for the day, I think. Get the first aid kit and bandage up the offending finger. Get my (very heavy) bag, bike, help a man pump up his tires (his pump kept flying off of the valve), and finally get to the transition site.

Things are pretty organized, so I get set up. I’ve pretty much packed for every kind of weather. Shortsleeve shirt, longsleeve shirt, jacket, two pairs of socks, and lots of plastic bags. Jo comes to visit… I’m intensely jealous of her nice, hot, steamy cup of coffee, but realize that the upcoming gymnastics I will perform to get into the wetsuit will keep me plenty warm. I’m very happy of my bike rack placement, because it seems that I’m in the midst of other young women trying the wetsuit at a race for the first time. We all jump around, adjust and readjust and get a good laugh.

Finally, I head down to the pond. I go for a short swim around the first buoy, and I’m immediately ever-so-thankful that I went to Puffers on Thursday. This water is warmer and clearer… And I am well prepared. I practice my mantra: “I am a calm swimmer.” Danskin peeps will know what I’m referring to… J

They announce the wave order. Men. Women. Clydesdale Men. Ugh. Are you kidding me?! Oh well.

We sing the National Anthem. My friend Dan (the one that ran the last 6.2 miles with me in Nashville) had mentioned that when I hear that anthem before any race, it will make me think of Nashville. I remember thinking that was a bit odd at the time…. But, he was right. I think of that day, of the beauty of pushing through whatever limits I thought I had. And then I think of this day, and of the promise that it holds, if only I can remain calm and steady. I can do this. I am ready. BRING IT!

The swim.
The blue caps go. And then we go. I had lined up in the back, so I just wade in behind every one, and start to swim once all of the kicking feet are out of harm’s way. As usual there’s a bit of contact, but no drowning or choking. I settle in to a nice rhythm. I-AM-A-CALM-SWIMMER. Over and over. I’m managing to keep on course really well (as I’m sighting at the end of every chant). Just as I reach the last buoy of the out and back course, I feel a strange churning. I realize that I’m being overtaken by the Clydesdale men. Oh well. It’s my swim, and I only want to finish this.

I get going on the way back, thinking that this will probably feel shorter. It does… Until I suddenly become the recipient of the grab and pull… three times over. After the third time, I realize that while I’m trying to remain calm, this has to stop. I finally kick really hard and get out of the situation. I paid it no more mind and just kept swimming. (keep on swimming, keep on swimming, swimming, swimming…. Who am I?) Finally, I see the shore, and I see these people start to wade in. I pass a few of them by just swimming as far as I can. I get up. I’m elated. I conquered my nemesis. 18:48. Honestly, I don’t care if it took me a YEAR to finish. I’m just glad that it didn’t involve a boat or a lifeguard. And I feel…. STRONG.

Jo is at the chute, yelling her head off. It was so good to have her there! I get going to the transition area, wrestling with the wetsuit. I get the top half off, take off the cap and goggles and run to my bike. I finally just give up and sit on my towel to yank the sucker off. Phew!

I look around at what everyone else is wearing. Air temp is maybe 60F. Light drizzle. I go for the two shirts (short under long). Turns out to be the perfect choice. I get everything situated and clomp-run the bike out to the road. Attempt to clip in. And again. Deep breath. I am a calm biker. Finally I get it settled in and go… T1: 4:44

The bike.
I’m flying. Speeds of 17-20 mph. I have this constant thought: How the heck does this work? How do I race this sucker, but keep enough oomph in the legs for the run? I settle in what I think is a bit less than all-out effort. I spend a LOT more time in the aero bars than I have been. Some short climbs pass, and then comes the monster turn (which of course you have to slow down for) and a short, very steep climb. Uuuugggghhhh. Get there! Guh. That hurt. I spend the next ½ mile or so recovering, trying to remind myself to drink. This is a challenge today due to the cool temps.

Finally, I’m coming back to life (or so I think) when I see the chicken cross the road. Blink Why is the chicken crossing the road? Blink That’s REALLY a chicken (err, rooster) crossing the road… Right?! I’m going to hit the chicken crossing the road in a minute, if he doesn’t pick it up. Move, stupid chicken! Little bastard is all high and mighty and I have to actually brake for him. (Darn, it wasn’t that hard of a hill! Note to self: Must practice hills more to avoid hallucinating chickens…. Err, the chicken wasn’t hallucinating… Gah. You get my meaning.)

Post chicken, things are fairly good. I only see a HUGE dead frog and hope that he isn’t a casualty of a cyclist. (Yuck!) I pass a gal with my shoes and tell her nice shoes! She’s like, “Uh, thanks?” until I pass her… I hear her shout, “OH! You too!!!” (They’re pretty rare… bright pink and gray.)

Then I decide that I need a gel. I’m going into a head wind a bit, and I don’t want to bonk on the run. I grab one of these new 4X sodium Power Gels and rip open the top with my teeth. For some reason, I’m concerned about putting the little tab into my bento box, so as not to litter and all of that…. And in the process manage to dump a ¼ of the packet all over me, my bento box, and my bike. What a mess!!!! The stuff is on my water bottle, all over my bike (guess what I did after the race?), on my shifters, my brakes. *&^%! It’s worth a good laugh, though. Rookie. The rest is pretty uneventful. I get to transition and dismount without further calamity. 52:00 for 13.7 mi (15.8 mph!!! – Training avg. is 14.4 – holy cow, where did that come from?)

T2 is uneventful, although I’m starting to think that lace locks might be a good idea. I briefly chuckle as I remember Bob’s recent RR – “How Bob tie laces?” 1:44

The Run.
First thought: I need to do more bricks. I have a side stitch, and then to make matters worse, my right calf starts to cramp. Okay, walk it out. I get passed by a really nice guy. He tells me I’m looking great, and to keep going. I tell him, “Yeah, thanks! You too! I’m just going to have a little conversation with my calves first, and then we’ll be good to go.” That gets a chuckle and things settle down. First mile is 11:25. Kinda pokey. I take it up a notch and mile 2 passes in 10:46. Better-- but still (Hmm, maybe I pushed just a tad too hard on the bike….). Around this time I realize I have to pee. Badly! It makes my stomach feel awful, and I decide to walk a bit. Mile 3: 11:16. I pass a really nice lady when I start running again, and she gives me some advice to breathe deeply. It works and I sprint to the finish, with the last mile at 9:17. (The course was short…. I’m thinking 3.9.) 42:15; 10:50 avg. Final time: 1:59:28

This was a great race. It was very well organized, with a TON of very cheerful volunteers and police (that’s saying something considering it was cold and rainy). The post race food was good too. Beyond all of that, having the support of a friend willing to push you a bit and show you that you can achieve your goals is priceless.

On a personal note, there’s just something very fulfilling about conquering your demons. Even if it takes 9 months. Now that the swim monkey is off my back, I’m feeling a lot more confident about the 4 more triathlons I have planned (Or, at least that the registration fees were money well spent!). Next up in three weeks is Webster Sprint, and 2 weeks after that is my first Olympic triathlon (Fairlee, VT). I can’t wait.

I finished!

2006-06-04T12:27:00.000-04:00

Real quickly here.

I didn't drown.... although I was on the receiving end of the grab and pull for the first time.

I didn't crash.... surprised myself with my speed, actually.

I didn't trip.... although I thought I was on a trip of a different nature when I saw the chicken (rooster) cross the road.

I finished! Report to come later (I need a nap.)

The Greatest Invention EVER!

2006-06-02T10:03:00.000-04:00

Oh. My. Goodness.

What a difference a wetsuit makes!

Yesterday turned out to be a crazy day... sunny all day and then BAM! Thunder! Lightening! As I looked at the forecast until Sunday, my heart sank. Rain, thunder, more rain, more thunder! I was not relishing trying this wetsuit for the first time at a race, nor had I done ANY open water swimming yet (and we all know how much I love that!).

But 5pm rolled around, and it looked like we had an opening, so we blitzed it over to good ole Puffers "Iceberg" pond.

We get there and I wrestle the wetsuit on. Great fit. Look at the pond. It's *fuzzy* with pollen. Gah. Oh well. So this man starts asking me about my wetsuit (popular already!). He asks how I like it (it's great!) and what it's like swimming with it (I'll tell ya in a minute!). That shut him up :) I kind of laughed a little when he said that he had tried on a bunch (here I am... I just looked at the sizes on line, shopped around and hit PAY.) Nice guy, but a bit strange.

Finally got in the water. COLD! MURKY! Can't breathe. Err, well, I can, but I'd rather prefer to be breathing OUT when my head is in the water. I drink about half of the pond. My training partner is trying to be helpful. She's really sweet until she starts to get a little impatient. "Just stick your head in!" I wasn't mad. I really needed the push. We laughed about it later. Sometimes tough love works best.

I finally did it. I realized what was freaking me out was the sometimes very cold pockets (like *maybe* 60 degrees!). And not being able to see *any*thing... I fixed that problem by closing my eyes a few times. Finally I got going.

I came back to shore, and she tells me that she's going to come in (this girl is *tough*) with no wetsuit. Helps that she grew up in glacial lakes I guess. So, she gets in, and we head across the pond (about 250 yds). Made it just fine. Chatted for a bit, noticed the wind kicking up again and figured it'd be best to head back (didn't want to be crispy and all of that!).

What a GREAT swim. And, the wetsuit *totally* helps. I mean, there's just no way to drown. I didn't even have to tread water in the thing, I just bounced up to the surface... *Plink!* Might have something to do with the *extra* fat I have now, but I'll take it.

So, here I go! I'm ready now!

More changes...

2006-06-01T10:03:00.000-04:00

I guess this usually happens (especially when you train with another woman!).

Without getting into the nitty gritty, I switched out Danskin for Webster. They are the *same* course, but Webster's timing is soooo much better (not to mention $30 cheaper!). New schedule and links are on the right.

I never dreamed I'd be doing 5 tris this summer. :)

Let's see.... other news. I'm finding that keeping up with my cat's shedding is like having a 5th discipline. Vacuuming and brushing every night. I almost wish I could shave them. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...." JUST kidding. I think.

Oh, yeah, I'm hopefully trying out my new wetsuit tonight (barring any thunderstorms). My training partner is coming with me, but she's sick, so she told me that she'll watch me and if I start to drown, she'll come and get me. What are friends for? :)

Timberman is Final!!!

2006-05-31T09:07:00.000-04:00

Well, this is just how I am. I get thinking about something. I try to put it off, and it ends up consuming my every waking moment. Then, when I just can't stand it anymore (usually a day later), I just commit.

And, commit is what I did. Yesterday after talking to my cousin, I realized that the Timberman Sprint was closing soon (they have 800 registered already.... 1000 is the cap). So, I registered. AND, I just got my campsite for Friday and Saturday nights! AND, they are super cool, might let me check out late on Sunday (since it will be hard to check out at 6am before the 1/2 IM start). *With no extra fee.*

I can't tell you how excited I am about this. It's not the race really (although it sounds like a blast). It's the fact that I get to mix about a gazillion things I love:

Seeing my family (since I can't afford to go to the big reunion)
Driving
Escaping from civilization for a weekend
Camping
New Hampshire
Saving money
Getting to support my cousin (who I realized last year was into triathlon!)
Witnessing my first 1/2 IM (on the docket for next year)

Okay, I'm done gushing. For now. ;-)

Rode the bike last night. I think I might be a little tuckered still from Sunday's ride (and Monday's sweat fest of a run). In a rare move, I decided to cut it a little short. Probably smart as I'm a little sore today (back mostly, haven't noticed that before) and my legs just didn't have it yesterday. Must have been the extra climbing, huh? This is also week 4 in a build stage (and since the marathon, hardy har), so it's good that this is a recovery/taper for the upcoming race. I'm thinking this might be a less is more kind of week.

Question for you bikers.... Yesterday, I noticed that my elbows were incredibly sore (like tendonitis sore). Is it my form? Is there something I can do to adjust my position?

Take Care Everyone!

Getting Stoked!

2006-05-30T13:35:00.000-04:00

Lots of fun stuff going on around here this week!

I'm getting ready for my first tri of the season. This past weekend, I went to Ludlow and drove and rode (Thanks for the tip, Clif!) the course. Very doable, with only one monster-esque hill (but I did it with flying colors... I might have been in the granniest of all gears, Shadow, but I got 'er done!). I left that ride (adding 3 more miles to get my workout in) with a great feeling. Then, I stuck my feet in the swim site (nice pond!). It's clear, warm, and has a nice bottom. I'm feeling very good about this.

And, I'm thinking about adding a triathlon to the schedule (gasp!). My cousin is doing his first 1/2 IM at Timberman this August, and lucky me, there is a sprint the day before... Soooooo, I'm *thinking* about getting a campsite at Gunstock, and just getting away from it all. A race, camping, and supporting my (really cool) cousin at his first attempt at the distance - Priceless! (And cheap!)

AND, I realized I forgot to tell ya'll that I'm signed up to do the Chicago Marathon this October. Not sure how that slipped my mind, lol! It's going to be a great season!

A Heavy Heart

2006-05-29T09:25:00.000-04:00

Today is Memorial Day.

Unfortunately I have to be at work, but my mind and heart are with those that have given their lives in service for this country and those that have died at the hands of terror.

I was going to report about my week, but my heart is heavy. A good friend of mine is hurting.

I hope that you all have thoughtful and happy days. Hug those close to you just a little longer. Give an extra smile. Lend a helping hand.

This life is so precious. And short.

DHB - My run today is for you.

Around the bend

2006-05-26T10:25:00.000-04:00

Things are looking up!

My bike and I are bonding nicely. I even FIXED the front shifter cable myself, thankyouverymuch! Thanks so much for all of the great tips.
My new derailleur is on the way.
As is my new wetsuit.
Cloud 9 and I are officially over. Noo, it's okay, I promise. As great as it was in the beginning, it all unravelled very quickly. I'm actually feeling somewhat relieved to have this resolved.
Now I have more time to train.
And to finish my Ph.D.

Work is going interestingly... Some weird thing (that has nothing to do with my project, by the way) is happening. My advisor is excited, and we're meeting in the hallway now to talk about my stuff... He even wrote it up on the floor hallway chalkboard (usually a sign of success around here... everyone gets to mull it over... pretty neat). That was a first.
I'm sleeping! Two nights in a row now, with absolutely no help whatsoever. A week ago, I flushed those nasty pills that paralyzed me and went to Sleepytime Extra Tea. It worked!

Diet is pretty much okay. I'm kind of avoiding the scale though. I'm pretty sure that I will not see the decrease I want... yet. I bet that after a few more weeks of high intensity training will help though!
I'm starting to get excited for my first tri of the year. I'm going down this weekend to drive the course and stick my feet in the pond (and see how murky it is). The bike course is very hilly, and that's something that I haven't done a lot of lately. I figure that worst case scenario would be for me to walk. Eh, oh well. At that point, at least I'll know that I had finished the swim, right? There will be plenty of time later to work on climbing skills and power.

That's about it for now! I'm looking forward to a "long" bike tomorrow, as well as a day out with one of my best friends... We're going to the mall (haven't been there in ages!), then to Olive Garden for dinner and then to see the DaVinci Code. I can't wait! Sunday will be a long run (yeah right!), and cooking. Some cleaning. Unfortunately I'll probably have to work Monday, but I'll try to keep it short. It *is* Memorial Day after all!

Take Care everyone! Travel Safely!

Trying to turn it around

2006-05-23T14:25:00.000-04:00

Lately, I don't know why, but I've been in the WORST mood. I think part of it has to do with the sleep issue (which seems to have been solved with Sleepytime Extra tea, thankthegoodlord). Another part of it has to do with the fact that it's graduation time here at school, which is just one more reminder that I'm still here.

Still here. *sigh*

I have been getting alot more done lately, but then again barely scratching the surface. I'm almost sure that this is what my sleep and irritability issues come from. Every time someone mentions graduation or I see another dissertation defense announced in the elevator or someone asks me when I'm finishing.... I throw up a little in my mouth. I know what the solution to the problem is... but....

My boss mentioned that he was having a picnic this weekend to celebrate the graduations that we've had from our group. First of all: These functions are always incredibly painful. I mean, we all get along wonderfully when he's not around, but once you add that one tinsy tiny variable, it's weird. Like, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here-weird. Like, why-isn't-anyone-talking-weird. Besides that, there's the whole reminder that I'm old, and I'm starting to get lapped. Honestly I'd rather have tacks stuck in the palms of my hands than attend this little get-together. I'd rather run a mile over hot coals in bare feet. I'd rather be tied to a Jeep and driven buck naked over 5 miles of broken glass. So, I'm not going.

So, to try to get myself out of my funk, I just purchased a wetsuit. :) It dawned on me that my tri on 6/4 is going to be very cold, indeed, and I just didn't think that renting a suit on the day of the race (having never practiced in it) was such a great idea. Besides, this sucker is going to pay for itself (with peace of mind... I hear it's easier to swim with one! I did it a long time ago, and honestly I'll take whatever help I can get.).

My run yesterday was tough. Short and tough. I think I'm still dealing with some issues from the marathon (tired, running feels like torture), and my swim today was also tough. Hope the bike is easier. I got some help from a friend and adjusted the front shifter cable so HOPEFULLY that fixes the chain dropping problem. (And boy, does it feel nice to get some experience fixing my own bike!)

About the triathlon: It's my third, actually. But here's the thing... Last year, my second tri (ever) ended up with a tow in. The water was incredibly rough, and given my lacking swim skills, I think I made the right decision to end it. So, this tri, while being a C race, is also very important to prove to myself that I CAN do this.

Really funny story:

So, I'm sitting here and I notice my office mate (we have a divider between us) fighting with a piece of paper that is usually hanging on the end of the divider. I see his long arm come out and thwack the paper back up, only to see it fall back down again. It barely registers, until I see him rummaging in the office supply drawer and lurching around the office. Then he comes back. Now I'm paying attention. He's peeling the tape apart at the top of the sheet, trying in vain to attach the effer back to the divider. Finally, I say, "Are you okay?" His response, "NO!" "Oh, no!, what's wrong!?" He starts to laugh. He tells me that the stupid paper fell off, he's trying to hang it back up, and he can't find any tape... So, he's using what is left at the top (you've all done it, you know it!) to get it to stay. He looks so frustrated (and he's usually so laid back). I started laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. It's only funny (hysterical actually) because this is exACTLY how I've been feeling lately. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Interesting Weekend

2006-05-22T08:10:00.000-04:00

It was an interesting and restful weekend.

Here are a few things I learned:

1. The small bike pump I have attached to my old bike actually DOES have a presta valve fitting!

2. The small bike pump does not fit on my new bike due to the triathlon frame geometry and the freakisly short screws they use for attachments.

3. There is a bike shop just 10 miles away from my new apartment!

4. Strangely enough they don't know about CO2 cartridges (but they have them - my new resolution to the bike pump problem... I figured I'd train how I want to race.)

5. The cartridge cannot be stored inside of the inflater without discharging the damn cartridge. Guess how I know? ;) You can however put your smart cap on and figure out that that you can store the inflater disassembled (and then put the cartridge inside of the bottom piece).

6. I'm a blonde. I knew this. I just reconfirmed it.

7. My bike HATES going from the smallest to the middle chain ring (I have a triple.).

8. I can reattach my chain in under 5 seconds. Twice. Note to Jeno: My acronym works wonderfully in these situations.

9. I can out bike a flea-bitten, rabid sounding and looking dog that is ferociously threatening my heels. (Thank goodness he had a crappy bike.)

10. I can yell REALLY loudly at said dog while struggling up a hill as fast as I can, and he will be chained up upon my return. (I do have to admit to calling said dog an a-hole on the return trip, which made me laugh pretty hard.)

11. It was SO SMART to go back to the car to get my jacket.

12. Icecream can be a dinner (although I was *starving* the next morning and informed Cloud 9 we were going out for breakfast as a result.).

12a. Kielbasa, sunny side up eggs, hashbrowns and delish homemade cinnamon toast is not a good pre-run meal.

13. There are thousands of different kinds of spark plugs. Don't ask.

14. Watch the tree. Watch the tree. WATCH THE GD TREE!!!!

15. It's not a real trail run unless I'm dirty, itchy and bleeding profusely.

16. Always call a friend before leaving and upon returning from a trail run (did that.)

17. It will start raining EVERY time you think about doing the groceries.

18. Making dinner is a good distraction from the torrential downpour outside.

19. It's helpful if you actually read the recipe, though.

20. The oven is very hot.

21. The oven is very hot. Yes, I know I repeated myself. Seems like I didn't hear it though, as I burned the crap out of my finger... twice.

22. It's possible to finish grocery shopping in 30 minutes.

23. The new Shimano 105 front derailleur I won from ebay (hence the rushed shopping) may help with my chain issues.... I can only HOPE!

24. My first triathlon is in less than two weeks.

25. Oh Sh!t. My first triathlon is in less than two weeks.

1st Run!

2006-05-19T09:30:00.000-04:00

Since April 29th, that is....

I came home from work around 4, and ohmygosh was I tired. For some reason the afternoons are always the worst. But, I got dressed and headed out to my favorite Quabbin Reservoir. I guess part of me has a hard time driving to the place I'm running at, but considering Quabbin has some of the most beautiful views and TRAILS, I guess it's worth the 7 minute drive.

I got to do a little exploring around this pond (which I found out later has a trail all the way around it!), and then headed up the road to the dam. It was a bit of a climb, but the legs felt pretty good. There were a couple of little aches and pains, but all things I had experienced before the marathon as well. I got to the dam (was going to run across it) and realized I'd been running for over 20 minutes already (oops!). I headed back down the road and saw this trail head that I have been eyeing for some time...

Yeah, I had been running for 45 minutes (and this was my 1st run post marathon), but it was just calling. I went down the path. Aches and pains disappeared immediately. I was flying! I saw a deer go off in front of me, white tail straight up. Wow, can they run! I ran and ran and ran... and then realized I'd better find my way back to the car. :)

Also, a belated but very happy birthday to my friend, Danielle! I hope you have a great weekend, hon!

Sticking to the Schedule

2006-05-18T08:22:00.000-04:00

The quest for sleep continues....

I went to the doc yesterday. She seemed pretty concerned about the sleep debt I was in, and prescribed a pretty heavy duty tranq. Guh. It worked. And, VERY quickly. I felt like I had been paralyzed just a few minutes after taking it. I'm supposed to take it for the next week, but I think I'll see where I'm at in a few days or so (It's habit forming and gives me a hangover.). In any case, I'm feeling more normal (talking and focus is a little better) even WITH the hangover.

I've also managed to get back on that schedule I was talking about. It's requiring some sacrifice and discipline, but that's okay. My goal is to get to work early so I can get home in the afternoon and workout.

Speaking of workouts! I got on my bike again finally. We had a pretty good time (went a little farther this time, and the speed was much better!), except for the dropped chain. I impressed myself though, as I was able to get it back on in a few seconds. For some reason it really does NOT like going from the first chain ring to the second. I'm thinking it's my fault (and that it has to do with my "release" of the shifter.... I'm wondering if I'm going too fast - anyone have a thought about this? Jenn P - I know you have the same bike... any advice?)

The one suggestion....

2006-05-17T09:12:00.000-04:00

Thank you all so much for your caring and suggestions.... I tried many of them...

It's funny that the one thing no one suggested worked!

Sleeping over at a friend's house. (More than likely it was the very long conversations we had about my stressors, but hey... this might work for you too!)

It works. And, it makes sense. Lately my bed has been the axis of evil. Changing the scenery was a good thing (in a few ways, snicker).

Last night I went over to Cloud 9's house. He made a great dinner (grilled porkchops... much better than mine were!), and we talked.... and talked.... and talked. Things are better now :) A little communication goes a long way, you know?

We also talked about school. I've had this made-up deadline hanging over my head. He helped me realize that the world won't end if I don't meet it. Just working as hard as I can will get my goal accomplished. Thinking about a terrifying (and perhaps unfair) goal is probably going to cause more stress than productivity.

When I woke up this morning, I was surprised to feel happy and refreshed! Almost like my old self! I still have a lot of sleep to catch up on, but this is a start.

Desperate...

2006-05-16T01:36:00.000-04:00

I'm.

Still.

Awake.

Seriously, folks, I'm not sure what to do here, but obviously this isn't a problem I can solve myself. I'm starting to doubt my ability to complete simple tasks without falling asleep (during the day only, of course).

Why the hell is this happening!?

Someone please hit me over the head. Hard.

Sleep? What's that?

2006-05-15T13:57:00.000-04:00

It was a great weekend. I decided the previous weekend (when I couldn't find a present to my liking) to surprise my mom with my very presence. We had a great time (and for once, she was very surprised). We spent the time steam cleaning her carpets (woman will move 100s of pounds of furniture, and she only weighs 100 lbs. soaking wet... geesh!), and just hanging out. I gave her a framed picture of myself after finishing the marathon (the one I posted) and wrote my "thank you" to her from my report in her card. Went over pretty well... :)

I'm still not sleeping, and this is really starting to piss me off. I'm doing all of the right things, and have resorted to sleeping pills (Ambien when I was home...). I just can't seem to shake the cycle, and I'm petrified of getting addicted.

Part of it is due to school stress. I was dealing with school stress just fine when I WAS EXERCISING. Alright. So, recovery is officially over. I think I recovered just fine with a week of very limited (i.e. ONE swim and steam cleaning carpets for 2 hours) exercise. I swam a mile today, and plan on doing weights and core when I get home. I swear, I don't care if I can barely walk tomorrow as long as I effing sleep tonight. I'm beyond desperate.

THIS FU#&ING SUCKS!!!!!!

A little slack...A little structure

2006-05-11T11:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm not used to cutting myself slack, but I did it yesterday. I got home, mentally prepared (but sluggish) to go for a bike ride. It was still cloudy, the time was okay, but I was still feeling blah and tired. I thought, "You know, no one is going to blame you if you don't ride today. In fact, it might be a good idea (given the lack of sleep and the extreme exhaustion) to skip it."

So, I did. I rarely listen to that voice, but it seemed to be wise last night. I made a good dinner, watched a movie, took a hot bath and went to bed prepared for a good night's rest. I got into bed, read some of my book and turned out the light at 10pm.

And waited. And waited some more.

11:20pm. I'm still awake. I finally marched myself to the bathroom and took two sleeping pills (the normal dosage). Went to bed. Finally, FINALLY slept.

Until 9 am this morning. Guh.

I've been thinking. I remember during Lent when I gave up everything nasty (all desserts basically) in a drastic way, that my sleeping patterns were like never before. I was sleeping 8, 9, or even 10 hours a night --like a BABY. I think it may be time to look into this again. See, because I don't really have the will power to just have a treat every now and then. And even when I do, I notice drastic changes. Irritability, more cravings (more often), sleeplessness, weight gain.

I've also noticed lately that my will power during the day is good. I pack a lunch, and I'm "allowed" to eat everything in that bag (it's almost all good: nuts, fruit, veggies, good sandwich, a little treat like yogurt covered raisins). But then I get home.... It's all over.

Why is this? Well a large amount of my time is taken with *working*, so I think less about food. (I also stock my desk with sugar free gum and healthy snacks for whenever I get cravings. I also make sure that I drink 48-64 oz of water while at work.) When I'm home, however, my time is less structured. Maybe it's time to rethink that. I've noticed the past few days that I will get to 5 or 6 o'clock with a very good eating day under my belt, only to completely ruin it when I get home. I eat everything (and I mean everything) and anything in site.

For the next few weeks or so, I'm going to come up with a structure to my (limited) time at home:

Arrive home.
Eat small snack.
Exercise: bike ride, run, weights, core (pilates, crunches), hiking
Make good dinner. Enjoy dinner with a lot of water.
Chores (cats, bills, clean)
Quilt, cross-stitch, read, watch part of movie, email, call friends/family or blog.
Shower/Bath.
In bed to read.
SLEEP.

So here we go:

1. Drink more water at home. At least 20 oz + whatever I need to exercise.
2. Drastically cut out sugar/desserts. Look for better alternatives for my body (fruit).
3. Create and follow a structured schedule while at home.
4. Ensure that I'm getting the calorie needs that I need during the day so that when I get home I'm not binging.
5. Consider eating a somewhat larger meal or meals at work and having a smaller meal at night. (giving that a shot today)

Chilly New England Day

2006-05-10T09:24:00.000-04:00

It's one of those dreary days. The ones where you want to shut the window, turn off the alarm, and climb back into that warm bed. I'll have to settle for a nice cup of tea, I suppose.

I finally slept. So, that's a start. I'm still physically exhausted enough to make me think that I might be fighting some low level bug. Walking up to my building was tough this morning. Weird.

So, I'm not sure exactly why this is happening, but I'm noticing that I'm getting lax about my diet again (even with my goals posted on the sidebar). I think part of it is that I'm not in hardcore training, so it's hard for me to think food = fuel. It's good to realize that this is a particular problem, I suppose, but I need to go a step farther and fix the problem. Hopefully I can start running (easy) again this weekend and that will help the focus. I'm still swimming and biking, but with the emphasis on recovery, not training. Or, maybe I just need to be a little lax right now and give myself a break? Dunno, I've just never felt this way. Now I feel like I'm blathering on.

So, I'm thinking about running the Chicago Marathon. But it's weird. It's like the more I think about it, the more I'm just not sure I want to go. It's not really the expense (although $90 is a lot right now, especially with triathlon registration looming.). It's more about the training. Now that I know what a time commitment that is... Guh. I'm just not excited about it like I was CMM. I'm going to sit on it a while longer. Maybe after I get a few *enjoyable* runs under my belt.... Maybe it's that the last one was just so torturous.

Maybe it's just the weather...

Tired to the bone

2006-05-09T14:12:00.000-04:00

Yup, that's exactly how I would describe it. I've honestly never been this tired before. Reasons I can think of:

1. Marathon (duh)
2. Insomnia (yeah, that didn't make sense to me either... I just can't shut off my brain)
3. Stupid sinus headache (forced me to take Tylenol Sinus Nighttime - turns out the stuff has a flippin' long half life)
4. Certain other reason that I won't get into here.

I'm so tired I can barely type. Here's hoping another 10-11 hours nips this in the bud.

In other news.. my swim times are coming down nicely (as compared to last week.) I even managed a golf score of 103 today, which is not that shabby, considering I haven't done drills in a dog's age!

Recovery goes on...

Pics from Quabbin!

2006-05-07T21:07:00.000-04:00

Here we go! Finally pics of my beloved Quabbin.

As you can see the trail is IDEAL for future trail runs :)

A pretty stream...

Quabbin Summit Tower...

Part of the reservoir...

Me through a tree... (with Mr. Spidey on my nose!)

These walls are throughout the entire Quabbin...

Might have been old pasture markers.

Now, this was COOL. Before this picture, the trees (up on the hill) were disiduous... No pine trees. Then all of a sudden this beautiful (young) pine forest began.

It was like walking through gauze... An enchanted forest.

Anyone interested in the history on the Quabbin can go here...or here...It's a pretty neat story! If you've ever read Steven King's Dream Catcher, it's the site of the last horrific (fiction) scene. :)

Bike, Quabbin!

2006-05-07T18:40:00.000-04:00

What a beautiful weekend!

Friday dawned a beautiful day, so I went to school early and left early... I had decided to swim at lunch, and then maybe go for a hike... I got home and promptly fell asleep on my living room floor. Thankfully, the phone rang soon after, and Cloud 9 asked me if I wanted to go hiking around Quabbin... Sure! I figured I'd get my second wind soon... We got to enjoy a beautiful sunset.

Saturday was great... I slept 11 (ELEVEN) hours, and finally woke up feeling almost like myself again. I had decided that Saturday was a rest day, since I had done something almost every other day of the week. I did my laundry, watched Tristan and Isolde while I folded it, and then headed out on a Quilt shop excursion. I was trying to look for some neat Batiks or flannels for my mom (hint, hint: Mother's Day), but inspiration wasn't hitting. And then, I realized what the best gift would be. Nuh uh, I'm not sayin' a word! I got back from shopping, and was tttiiiirrreeeedddd. It always seems to hit in the afternoon. I think I took a nap and then watched Saint Ralph - GREAT MOVIE about a kid that decides to win the Boston Marathon to save his mom. A must see, and a tear jerker. I finished out the night by making my Aunt's award winning strawberry pie and sewing.

Then comes today: I skipped church. Yah, I know I'm going to hell for that one, but it was 1st communion and well... Gah. It was just too beautiful, so I chose to spend my time with God in HIS church. Outside. I loaded up the bike and took him/her to a FLAT area (truth be told there are still some gentle rollers, but nothing compared to Thursday's ride, which I checked out on my hike with Cloud 9 - Not so small!). We had a GREAT ride. Shifting like a dream, braking fine, much better speed (12.8 - Um, that was my average from LAST YEAR - getting that at the beginning of the season, after not riding a bike for 6 months ON TRASHED LEGS - I"ll take it!) Clipping in and out was fantastic. I got it! Just like that. No fuss, no muss. I actually cannot wait to ride again. That's the feeling I was looking for. I feel like I rediscovered love (cue cheesy easy listening love song)...

I came home and showered and then packed for my hiking trip with Jen. We went back to the Quabbin, and I FINALLY remembered my camera. It's one of my favorite places on earth, but every time I forget to take pictures. We hiked about 5-6 miles and had a great time. Of course, I came home and napped again for 2 solid hours...

Here are some pics! Well blogger is sucking donkey butt again, so I'll try later! I hope you all had beautiful weekends!

Maiden Voyage

2006-05-05T08:39:00.000-04:00

Guh.

That's about all I have to say about that. I guess I expected bells to ring, or something like that.

I'm talking about the first bike ride. Yesterday. Beautiful blue skies. Me and the bike.

I rushed home to get dressed in my new Otter Pops jersey and loaded the bike onto the car (I live in a valley... legs weren't up to climbing, or so I thought....). We drove to the Quabbin. I had looked at the map, I swear. Topo lines were *very far* apart... I figured I could handle it.

I keep reminding myself that my legs are still trashed (ohmygod, I had completely underestimated that!), but there is now a little fear about that Oly I signed up for (That's probably a good thing.). I think I hadn't been respecting the distance before, but uh, now I do. I went FIVE MILES yesterday. FIVE. I felt like I needed a nap afterwards. How was it that I thought I could RUN? Maybe next weekend. Maybe.

So, I got back and drafted a letter to my bike:

Dear (Unnamed) Bike,

I first met you a few weeks ago. My how handsome you were! You were the first and ONLY bike that I laid eyes on and rode (blush). We had such a great time together in the parking lot, zooming around the building with the mirrored windows - My, how good you made me look! I even tried those funky aero bars - Whew! I was in love. (pitter patter)

So, I paid for you, and took you home. You were cheap, good, and fast - It's rare these days to find all three in one place! We had a little trouble at first with the bike rack. It seems you were a bit more attached to the LBS than I originally thought. But Nice Bike Boy came out, and he had you straightened out in no time (much to my chagrin). I assured you that we would be back to visit. We made that bumpy trip home together, and I lovingly made a place for you in my home. I apologize for making you sit next to The Tank.

I admit to neglecting you for a solid week, but as I explained before (as I stared at you longingly from across the room, afraid of what might happen if I were to grip those handlebars), I had a very important LOOOONNNGGG race to do. And my friends thought that with our relationship being so new, you might hurt me. Because of this, I gave you space so you could get used to your new digs while I prepared for my race. It tore me apart, if you must know.

So, I came back on Sunday, so ready for our maiden voyage. Unfortunately, I had underestimated how tired my legs would feel from said race, and I had to ignore you some more. But, today dawned and the legs felt better. I raced home and quickly primped for our first date, dressing in my new Otter Pops jersey (bright pink to match my shoes). I loaded you onto the car, and we drove to the Quabbin (which I *thought* was flat).

Things started a bit shakily. You must be patient with me, I've never used clipless pedals before. I was so anxious to take you out into the sunshine that I refused to follow anyone's advice about a nice grassy field for one's first ride. Bah Humbug! We didn't need no stinkin' grass! (Although I did think for a minute that you were going to buck me when you weren't shifting properly... Which, I have to admit was my fault... Remember that! You're not going to hear it often!)

You played along fairly nicely until that gargantuan hill. Good golly! You might have helped a little bit! Remember how my legs feel? And then, you were fooling me with your erronious speeds... You LIED to me, you ba$tard! Thank you for making me feel horrible, telling me that I was going 0.0 mph when obviously I was careening down that hill! I mean, throw a girl a bone, will ya! And, what's this about keeping your left brake just out of reach? You know what short arms I have, you punk! Why are you being so distant? You know how downhills scare me.

Anyway... I see that this relationship is going to take a lot of work (on both sides!). I'm going to have to take you back to the LBS (oh, stop crying!) so they can straighten you out. That's right. Just you wait until Nice Bike Boy comes home. Then you'll be sorry. For now, you're going to sit in that corner and think about what you did. I *might* talk to you on Sunday, when I hope and pray that "gargantuan" hill is more like a speed bump. That was embarassing!

In the meantime, I'm going to try to grow a set. 5 Miles. Geesh.

Not so fondly (yet!),
Your Owner

CMM Redux

2006-05-04T09:33:00.000-04:00

What a great day that was. I'm still reeling. And, I miss my friends terribly.

But, I have a bike ride to look forward to this afternoon. My first! I know, I know... I know I said May 1st, but uh, there was just no way. I've been swimming a lot (love the pool right now), and walking. I might try a run this weekend, but it's gonna be short, and most likely on a trail. We'll see though. Legs feel great, they're just a bit... tired. Gee, I wonder why?

So, I did the whole lessons learned thing for this race....

1. Gels and Powerade do not supply enough electrolytes, especially during hot conditions. (Okay, it was high 70s... normally I would not call that hot, but realize that my body is used to 50s.)

2. Which brings me to part 2. It might have been savvy to train for the weather. Maybe bundle up on a warmer day... Dunno, the jury is still out on this one.

3. Stopping at the med tent is not a sign of weakness. Those folks are there to help, and they did!

4. HR is just a number and can easily be ignored (intelligently).

5. There is NO substitute for diligent training.

6. It was VERY wise of me to accept a kind friend's offer.

7. Buying a bike right before the marathon: VERY FREAKING SMART! Sersely, guys, if you know you have a HUGE-ass race coming up, buy something pretty that you can't use until after the race. Make it training related. You'll thank yourself later. PMS sucketh. (That's post marathon syndrome...)

So thank you so much to all of you that responded either here or back channel. It was such a great day (great in many aspects).

Out of all of the people I shared my report with, I did receive *one* negative comment from a friend, however. She seems to think I pushed it too far and that I shouldn't "pull" this in my next race... that I'm "damn lucky" and she hopes next time I'll have compassion for my body instead of mental fortitude. I guess she would have been prouder of me had I had quit. It put a negative spin on it, you know? Honestly, I was never in any danger! I was surrounded by very knowledgeable runners and triathletes the entire time. The folks at the med tent were happy (both times) to send me on my merry, cramping way. I'm SURE that if they thought I was in danger, they would have made me stop. There were many people that day pushing themselves to the limit. I'm neither heroic nor special. We were all hurting together. I'm sure that there are other stories just like mine.

Anyway, we've emailed back and forth a couple of times and I guess we're going to agree to disagree. Sometimes you just have to step on your feelings to save the friendship, I guess.

On a more positive note, I'm entering the last phase of weight loss. I imagine this one will be a bit more challenging, but ever-so-rewarding once I get to that goal weight. I will be choosing to lose 13 lbs. in 100 days. :) It would have been 10, but I went and ate a bit too much the past week or so.... Oops!