Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's all about me

Well, that's not usually what I say, but right now, I think it has to be about me. When the world starts crumbling (or it seems to be!), I look inward. There are things that can be done. Maybe starting my day with a workout will help me be more cheerful about life in general.

I did it this morning. Literally POPPED out of bed at the thought of running with a friend (the other key). Ran 2 miles and even lifted some weights, and then made a plan with A. to meet at 6AM Mondays and Wednesdays to workout together. Amazing.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The questions you ask...

I'm feeling the need to be philosophical. The need to rant endlessly. The need to find some sense in it all. I might not even push "publish post" at the end of it all. I just need to get it out.

It was one of those days. It started out normally enough. Everything was fine. And then... Suddenly it wasn't. It was one of those delayed reactions. It's no wonder I moved through this weekend like I was in a daze. It's no wonder.

Friday ended with a blow so great, I didn't see it coming. The worst kind of sucker punch. Here I am. Here I am, blood and guts out for everyone to see, and here comes the Mack truck. Someone tell her there is a mack truck coming...

Anyone ever hear that song by Ani Difranco? Untouchable face? Well it's not quite like that, but I FEEL like that. It's not a romance go wrong (at least not the type I have with ONE other person). No, this was a different kind of romance.

Every day. Every freakin' day. I come here. I put on my coat of armor. I put on that thick skin. I do it day in and day out. And you know? I thought I had a good thing going here. I thought I was doing a good job. I thought that pouring my blood, sweat and tears into something would mean that I was doing something right. That maybe FINALLY I had found THE thing I was meant to do. Maybe I was home.

I guess that was my mistake. I got too comfortable. Who knows.

I know they're kids. I know they have no idea what their words can do. I know it.

That knowledge doesn't take away the pain. I know I've always been a sensitive sort. I've really worked on that. Thought I had made some strides. And then tonight, it all came out (thankfully in the privacy of my home). Crying like I have never cried before. Ever.

I'm the adult. I have to keep reminding myself that. While that's fine and good, I also need a healthy distraction.

The good news is that I've found an amazing group of friends. Amazing. And (get this) I found a triathlon partner (or two)! So, it's time to get back at it. Time to work on that base. Time to make some real goals. I need that intensity back in my life. Yes, I have other things to be intense about, but I need to focus more on me. Maybe that will keep me from losing myself in my work.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Still Alive

Heh, Christmas is over. New Year is here.

It's funny, I haven't been doing much running or biking, but everyone is telling me how GREAT I look. My mom had to tone down my Aunt, who was making it sound like I was the newest winner of the Biggest Loser. :)

Not sure what the secret is, except eating in moderation over the holidays. If I knew I had a big meal coming up in the evening, I really controlled what I ate during the day. Seems to have worked! Here's hoping I can keep trimming down :)

As I said, I'm not really doing anything triathlon related right now, but I AM coaching our fitness class at the school. There are 30 girls enrolled, and we have a blast. Each day half of them work out by them selves in the gym, while the rest of them come with me to do aerobics (step aerobics, tae bo, light weights). It's been a challenge to come up with new workout routines (and MUSIC), but they are keeping me on my toes!

I hope you are all doing well. I'm hoping to get to the tri club around here soon, so that I can start building a network of friends and get back to what I love.